Afterglow

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During a season in which stand out moments have been largely absent, the climactic ending of the Liverpool FA Cup tie was an all-time classic that will never be forgotten. 2 weeks on and the sequence of events during extra time still haven’t quite sunk in, however I do possess a unsightly 50p-sized lump on my left shin as a memento of the day. To go from ‘season over’ to ‘Wembley bound’ in the space of 15 minutes was something I never saw coming and served as a reminder that football still retains the ability to make me deliriously happy on occasion. I just need to be mindful of the fact I’m no longer 15 years old and moderate my goal celebrations to something more befitting a man who turned 50 last year.

When the question of potentially leaving OT has come up in recent weeks, I’ve been pretty unequivocal about the fact I’d have no issue with moving into a state-of-the-art new build if it was located next door. Re-watching footage of Amad’s winner from 50 different camera angles has caused me to reconsider. Although I accept that OT needs a facelift, there’s no way it’s ‘falling down’ as the song claims. The key thing for me is, could the atmosphere of that Liverpool game be replicated in a shiny brand spanker built nearby? Whilst theoretically the answer is ‘yes’, the overwhelming likelihood is ‘no’ so I’m firmly in favour of staying put now, I’ve decided.

Indeed, the more I’ve thought about it, the more I reckon leaving OT would actually be a terrible idea. Sure, the Emirates and Spurs’ new grounds are visually impressive and have better facilities than their predecessors but they’re utterly bereft of soul – aesthetically pleasant enormodomes that have priced out the majority of people who frequented Highbury and White Hart Lane. OT 2.0 would be exactly the same. They aren’t going to follow the Allianz Arena model and make the thing affordable for all, it’ll just be a gigantic monument to football commercialism with a few cheesy adornments (hotel, ‘fan park’ etc) tacked on.

The main driver behind moving as opposed to re-developing OT is the club’s desire to maximise revenue from ticket sales. They hope to increase engagement with high spending football tourists whilst driving up prices until legacy supporters are in the minority. It’s a process that’s currently being repeated at several Premier League clubs. Most regulars just want to go and watch the game and couldn’t care less if there’s a McDonald’s or a Nando’s built adjacent to the ground. A bigger souvenir shop and a couple of beer tents aren’t going to help regenerate the area and enrich the local community, it’s just a convenient way of piggybacking on Trafford Council’s Wharfside development plans in the vain hope of securing additional public or private funding.

A new OT will be sold to us as something that’s necessary if United are going to compete at the very top again, but I’d argue that isn’t the case at all. Re-developing the current stadium does present significant challenges (the railway line being the most obvious), but if we’re talking £1billion+ budgets then I fail to see how building over it isn’t possible. If they extended the south stand, stuck a new roof on and re-did the concourses OT (no, honestly) could be the best ground in the country again within 5-10 years. They could even cover it in Bacofoil if they wanted to appease the e-reds and mimic the result of the recent Bernabeu refresh.

If we do leave OT it will be for something overpriced, over-budget and distinctly underwhelming once the initial novelty has worn off. Yes, a true “Wembley of the North” as promised. Expect season ticket prices to eclipse London levels and despite the multiple beers on offer, they’ll be ridiculously overpriced and I guarantee each sip will be tinged with regret for what we left behind. I’ve got no desire for a future consisting of chicken tenders, a choice of fries, vegan wraps, annoyingly loud speakers and an oversized scoreboard. Anyone actively in favour of any of this should be considered a menace.

The international break following the Liverpool game led to an outbreak of misplaced optimism and suggestions that the stirring comeback witnessed might turn out to be a turning point. Any such thoughts were obliterated after the Brentford game where the performance was truly one of the worst of the season. Once again, the midfield was an absolute shambles with the opposition given a free run on goal every time they gained possession. McTominay played for over 100 minutes and genuinely can’t have touched the ball more than a dozen times. It was excruciating to watch.

It wasn’t just him. Wan Bissaka had another of those games that makes you wonder if the coaching staff actually talk to the players at all. Rashford did that thing where he seems to be channeling Antonio Valencia when he receives the ball, ambles forward a few yards and then stops dead. And Bruno? My word. He’s always been a bit of a wildcard with his decision making but he’s now so erratic it’s like he’s taking a huge dose of psychedelics an hour before kick off. The Liverpool game was a beautifully bonkers sequence of the manager rolling consecutive sixes. Brentford was more indicative of the reality. We are utterly hopeless.

Most match-goers remain vaguely supportive of Ten Hag but if we’re being honest, the Brentford performance and his post-game admission they ‘wanted it more’ signal that he’s unlikely to last beyond the end of the season. Any lingering hopes of CL football have been extinguished and that’s been the minimum requirement for United managers hoping to survive post-Ferguson. I’m not certain anyone else could have done much better given what he inherited and the awful run of injuries this term, but ultimately we’ve gone backwards over the last 12 months and that’s on him.

Whilst I strongly suspect his departure is inevitable now, I’m still not convinced it would be the right thing to do. If there were obvious candidates to replace him I might see the logic in pulling the trigger, but names like Gareth Southgate and that bloke from Wolves don’t exactly fill me with any confidence. We have to accept there aren’t any quick fixes available and that the current re-build remains a work in progress. Another managerial reset benefits no one except some serial underachievers in the dressing room hoping for another stay of execution. Although it might seem a grim prospect at this precise moment, Ten Hag needs time and we need to be patient.

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Brief Encounters

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Nothing is guaranteed in life, yet you can always count on United’s ticket office to dream up new and unique ways to make life as difficult as possible for their customers. I honestly can’t think of another commercial enterprise in the world so dedicated to inconveniencing the public it purports to serve. Over several years we’ve seen the implementation of increasingly controlling measures designed to “combat touting”. Neither digitised tickets nor random collections have led to a decrease in tickets being offered at inflated prices online, but rather than target the actual touts the club appears to be solely fixated on attacking supporters.

Aside from another price increase, the main takeaway from the ST renewal email that went out last month was the news that if your ticket isn’t scanned for 3 games next season then the club reserves the right to take it away. Doesn’t matter if the weather, illness, train strikes, work commitments or family bereavements get in the way. You either attend 17 out of 19 games (or return or donate your ticket blah, blah…) or you’re out on the ear. On face value it’s baffling to think why they’d go out of their way to impose such a draconian rule, but I think I can guess what their ultimate goal is here.

I’m convinced that the motive behind this purge on the basic freedoms of ST holders is to make us think “bollocks to this, I cba with it anymore” until such a point where we eventually give it up. 52,000 season tickets is the highest in the PL and the club know they can steadily increase revenue if they gradually reduce this number. With seats back in the hands of the club they’d be free to sell them for a premium on a game by game basis. They would deny this of course, and point towards the ST waiting list and sales to members as evidence, but slowly but surely their aim is to increase the allocation available to 1-2 game a season punters who’ll happily pay a few hundred quid for what’s described as an “exec” package.

After moving all ST’s to digital in 2021, they’ll be a further change this summer with everyone now obliged to download United’s app – ST’s will no longer be compatible with regular wallet apps where they can easily be forwarded to other phones or screenshotted. The recent trial at the Luton home game threw up a couple of interesting findings. Whilst tickets in the United app can’t be screenshotted (a message pops up informing you of this when attempted), a mate tried taking a photo of the barcode on another phone and scanning it at the turnstiles. Incredibly, this worked as they are still using regular 2D static codes as opposed to the rotating, dynamic type now favoured by the likes of Ticketmaster.

So there we have it. Months of planning and who knows how many thousands of pounds developing a convoluted new system that benefits precisely nobody, yet it took about 2 minutes to figure out a way around the additional security. As a mate amusingly remarked in the WhatsApp group, “A bit like Antony, they’ve spent money and gone round in circles to achieve absolutely nowt.” Unsurprising to learn that such a rarefied level of incompetence isn’t just confined to the boardroom, management and playing staff, I suppose.

United aren’t the only club focused on upsetting customers whilst claiming to be acting in their interests. Arsenal have recently banned 300+ fans and cancelled memberships for the crime of buying tickets via their own official exchange. 16 accounts were identified as suspicious as they were buying tickets in large batches before selling them on, not content with targeting these re-sellers they’ve also terminated the accounts of anyone who unwittingly bought from them. Newcastle fans too, have complained all season about being subjected to the same nonsense regarding collections that’ve become common practice at MUFC away fixtures in recent years.

One of the main issues the club needs to sort out is the difficulty in obtaining tickets for domestic aways. Since the ticket forwarding feature was introduced the number of applications per game has nearly trebled, with 14,000+ applying for the recent FA Cup tie at Wigan. Even if someone only has a vague intention of attending themselves, they can still apply and forward on to anyone who was unsuccessful in the ballot. As a ST holder in the standard pot your chance of success is only around 20% now, whereas when you applied back in the day (via the token sheet and SAE method) you got one more often than not.

The loyalty pot is rightly called out for hoovering up a sizeable proportion of each allocation but it comprises of less than 500 people now. Members of this group enjoy a success rate upwards of 80% and take a rough estimate of 15% of each allocation. With the current numbers applying, even if the loyalty pot was disbanded tomorrow the chances of being successful in the standard pot would only increase by around 3%. There’s an argument that collections should be mandatory for all games, which would no doubt put off many people applying, but this isn’t always practical for larger allocations. Most away grounds don’t have the facilities to accommodate 3,000 people queuing up to collect their ticket an hour before kick off.

So the question is, how can the club increase the chances of regular ST holders being successful in the ballot? Eradicating the loyalty pot would have little effect, extending the qualifying criteria from 5-10 years seems unduly harsh and increasing the number of mandatory collections might not be an option either. The main driver behind the increase in numbers applying has to be the ability to forward on your ticket via the United website.

Consider this scenario: let’s say you and a mate fancy going to Villa away, you need a pair of tickets but you know your chances of getting them are only 20%. What happens is you get 4 other mates to apply, logic being that this will increase your chances because if they are successful they can simply forward their ticket to you. If that is repeated hundreds of times that’s why we’re seeing the crazy numbers applying for each game now that wasn’t the case in previous years. Unlike the loyalty pot, as far as I’m aware there’s no limit to the amount of times someone successful in the standard pot can forward a ticket. In simple terms, the ticket forwarding facility encourages people to apply even if they have no intention of attending a particular game.

Most ticketing communications from United are accompanied by a reminder of the club’s unwavering determination to eradicate touting. However, for some mysterious reason they’re reluctant to engage with touts directly. To my mind, it’s pretty simple what needs to be done if they want to identify people habitually selling on for profit. When the usual suspects are offering tickets for sale on social media, simply make an account, pay the money and buy the ticket. Within a matter of minutes the ticket office could identify the original recipient and administer whatever punishment they choose.

I’m convinced the reason why the club chooses not to utilise such tactics is because their findings would throw up some uncomfortable truths. God forbid they confirm (as long suspected) that it’s tickets from sponsors, executives and the players’ pool that are routinely being sold to touts. Don’t expect this situation ever to be addressed, just bear it in mind next time you’re bemoaning the lack of a Forest ticket yet there’s pairs being offered for £300+ on social media. The source of these isn’t the loyalty pot, I can assure you.

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There’s Nothing Like This

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I’m writing during the middle of the winter break and honestly, its arrival came as a relief given it signalled a fortnight without having to suffer watching United play football. It’s debatable whether this last 6 months has been the nadir of the post-Ferguson era, but it’s certainly up there with the regrettable Moyes experiment and the 2nd season under Van Gaal. It’s been tortuous at times, and the forward trajectory and resultant optimism of a year ago has disappeared completely.

There are numerous mitigating factors of course, but it doesn’t alter the fact that United remain in a complete mess. Sometimes, like after the Villa home game, you look at them and think “they’re definitely behind him” and you manage to convince yourself there’ll be a concerted effort to carry that level of determination into the next game. Then 4 days later it’s Forest away and they simply don’t turn up. It’s so predictable and the same thing has been happening for years on repeat.

Now that the transition to being INEOS-led is finally underway we can hopefully look forward to having some serious people in charge again. Poaching one of the main heads at City could be seen as a coup of sorts, but such is my complete lack of faith the immediate thought was “I bet he’s a plant” – either that or he’ll be in prison in 6 months’ time if they’re found guilty of these 115 charges. I’m being facetious of course, but it would be classic modern day United if the incumbent CEO ended up in court defending the actions of his previous employer.

Given that splashing the cash on big money transfers is no longer an option, (such activity being one of the root causes of our current predicament), there’s little we can do except pray the changes Ratcliffe, Brailsford & Co put into practice have an immediate positive effect on the current staff. Despite haemorrhaging millions on players, the overall quality of the squad is still questionable. Senior pros aren’t performing or have a terrible attitude (more on Rashford in a bit), the few quality players we have are too old or injury prone, those possessing the right work-ethic aren’t good enough and the jury’s still out on a handful of recent arrivals.

I’ll be convinced by Omar Berrada if we manage to go a few months without hearing rumours of Wan Bissaka’s terms being extended or that United are considering handing Scott McTominay a new deal. When is the penny going to drop that keeping mediocre players under contract doesn’t suddenly pique the interest of potential buyers? We’ve been doing this for a decade now and I don’t recall the tactic working once. Mediocre is probably harsh as this pair are good players, they just aren’t good enough if we’re expecting to compete at the top level any time soon.

Dalot is another one who United consider a major asset despite his performances suggesting the exact opposite is the case. By all accounts he’s a good professional and he clearly tries his hardest, but are you kidding me? I’m left dumbfounded by the narrative that he’s developed over the last couple of years. He was a liability when he was shipped off to Milan on loan 4 years ago and he remains a liability now. The fact he’s found the net as opposed to Row Z on a couple of occasions recently is more a statistical anomaly than evidence of marked improvement. It’s embarrassing that the club’s social media promotes such nonsense, it’s like they’re trying to gaslight us.

The club’s financial position is so perilous that we don’t appear to be in the position to bring in our annual comedy loan signing this month. Despite losing Martial to injury and shipping that rat Sancho back to Dortmund, unless something dramatic happens at the death it looks like we’re relying on Hojlund and Rashford alone to provide goals for the rest of the season. If one or both get injured what’s the plan then? Recalling Hugill from Burton Albion would be an option (I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words) but whatever way you look at it, we’re desperately short of options.

Although he’ll always have an army of defenders on social media, I think most normal United fans have lost it with Rashford after his “performances” over the last few months. Watching an alleged senior pro and lifelong red strop around the pitch scowling whilst turning in a series of utterly abysmal displays has done me in. I’m not sure how he had the gall to make that yapping gesture after scoring against Spurs the other week. Like a number of his peers, it’s uncertain if he’s got a clue what’s going on with his life anymore.

How he’s turned from an excited young teenager absolutely buzzing to have scored on his PL debut to the brooding, entitled bellend we witness today encapsulates everything detestable about a growing number of modern footballers. The manner in which players so lauded and highly remunerated lose all perspective and basically start taking the piss out of their own public speaks volumes about their true character. In Rashford’s case it’s all the more embarrassing given the cringeworthy “humble kid with a heart of gold” schtick that’s pumped out by his PR team.

In the meantime, the player is out clubbing in “the biggest dive in Belfast” according to another contributor to the mag, before phoning in sick and missing training the next morning. Despite the club briefing journalists that “everything is fine” and the video footage was from a previous night (it wasn’t), the optics are pretty terrible here – just as they were following his comment on Instagram reacting to Sancho’s arrival at Dortmund. They can try and play down his antics all they like, but he’s been phoning it in all season and something is clearly not right with him.

The club is facing a bit of a conundrum now because whilst Rashford appears to have decided he doesn’t fancy Ten Hag, he remains one of their biggest commercial assets and is one of the few players who’d command a large fee if they were to leave. If United decide to dispense with the manager at the end of the season (which is entirely possible irrespective of Rashford’s feelings on the subject), I’m sure he’d feel placated and everything will settle. If Ten Hag is given another season, then it’s looking increasingly likely that the club will decide to cash in this summer. Fingers crossed they go with Option B.

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