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Beaten To The Punch

After a frantic last few days, the transfer window slammed shut and I think it’s fair to say it was mission accomplished barring the signing of a new midfielder. The bomb squad were successfully jettisoned, we’ve got a brand new front 3 and perhaps most crucially, the club eventually decided to bring in a new goalkeeper. It’s too early to tell if we’re in a significantly better position now but even if the new signings ultimately flop, at least the corrosive influence of certain personalities around the squad has been removed.

What’s abundantly clear, given he’s played every card he was handed this summer, is that Amorim loves a gamble. Despite Onana being a complete disaster for 2 years he was still the most experienced keeper at the club. Replacing him with a 23 year old Belgian kid represents a huge risk. Likewise, the decision to give up on Hojlund and swap him out with a relatively unproven like-for-like replacement in Sesko. I mean, I wish the pair of them all the luck in the world but it wouldn’t be a major shock if this all backfired spectacularly.

As I stressed last month, they simply had to sign a goalkeeper. Results will never improve if you’ve got a keeper guaranteed to make a mistake every single game. The season has started demonstrating precisely that with both Bayindir and Onana making the same routine gaffes that have become almost inevitable over the last 12 months. Although he’s an enormous dickhead, I would have been tempted to go for Martinez ahead of Lammens, personally. We need someone who can step in immediately and can ill-afford a period of adjustment or settling in.

It’s pretty much the same story with Sesko and I’m left scratching my head why they’ve gone down this route again. Just like Hojlund, there’s clearly huge potential there but it’s going to take time for it to be realised. Assuming he doesn’t hit the ground running, how long before he too is on his way to Italy on loan and the striker search begins again? Honestly, I’d have been tempted to give Hojlund another season and invest the cash in a midfielder instead. I’ve just got a really bad feeling about this one, we’ve been burned by the Bundesliga too many times.

I do feel sorry for Rasmus as he clearly loved playing for United and he’s still only a young lad. If he’d been signed as a 3rd/4th choice option and integrated into the team slowly we might have been reaping the benefits by now. Instead he arrived with a ridiculous price tag and was expected to thrive in a dysfunctional team against a backdrop of a club in turmoil. The odds were against him from the start and after a reasonable goal return in his 1st year, his confidence drained away completely as everything unravelled last season.

The fact he was a Ten Hag signing probably didn’t help his cause when he was pushing to stay and fight for his place. I hope he thrives in Naples and then depending on how Sesko fares, it might be worth giving him another shot after his loan period comes to an end. Then again, I might be talking complete bollocks and he is in fact the carthorse he resembled during those last few months. I’ve really got no idea anymore. What is certain is that we’ve become very adept at not realising the potential of virtually any new player arriving at the club.

Amorim signalled his intention to persist with Bayindir during the pre-Derby presser and you just know that isn’t going to end well. He’s a known target now due to his lack of physicality on corners, as witnessed in both the Arsenal and Fulham games already this season. Not only does he not manage to lay a glove on the ball, he seems to spend an inordinate amount of time scrambling round on the floor. Expect Lammens to be starting as soon as he demonstrates even the slightest bit of competency on the training ground.

I recognise that we had a budget this summer and there was a list of priorities in place, but the lack of midfield options will likely cost us dear in the coming months. It’s hard to win football matches if you can’t consistently control them. Amorim doesn’t seem to fancy Mainoo or trust Ugarte which leaves Casemiro as his most likely starter in the middle, meaning we’re likely to continue getting overrun more often than not. Given the lack of funds available to bring in extra legs, the decision to let Toby Collyer go out on loan looks puzzling as we’ve even fewer options there than last season. Mason Mount, naturally, is injured again.

Fears we’d be short of glamorous destinations due to missing out on Europe were allayed when the League Cup draw pitted us against Grimsby Town. I’m not even joking either. As domestic cup draws go, this one was about as good as you can possibly hope for. Seaside town in late August, somewhere we’ve never been before and only a couple of hours away? Absolutely sensational stuff that almost felt like recompense for those 500 consecutive home draws we suffered through a couple of years back.

Cleethorpes turned out to be quite nice as well. Not a run-down shithole at all, although it did feel a bit like stepping into a time machine and going back 50 years. A sizeable number of the locals proved to be archetypal tracksuit-clad, Free Tommy inbreds but I suppose you encounter that pretty much everywhere now. The only downside apart from the inevitable calamitous cup exit was the how difficult it was finding a drink after the game, with virtually every pub there closing its doors at 11pm. You don’t get that in San Sebastián.

Defeat on the East coast made Burnley the first of what’s likely to be numerous must-win games this season. It wasn’t pretty and despite doing our best to chuck it away, we got there eventually affording Amorim some breathing space ahead of the subsequent international break. With City, Chelsea and Liverpool incoming over the next few weeks he desperately needs something to click with this team. Failing that, the current goalkeeping conundrum might soon become someone else’s problem.

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Going Nowhere

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There used to be a time when the public’s attention turned to test cricket, tennis and crown green bowls over the summer but I’m not sure football has had a day off since May. With the U-21s, the World Club Cup and the womens’ Euros it’s literally not stopped and there’s no getting away from it. I want to spend 3 months every year not thinking about football, not being subjected to even more of it every time I turn the telly on.

As ever, I’m doing my best to stay away from the annual festival of bullshit that is the summer transfer window, but it’s difficult to stop scrolling once you get started. It all started quite brightly with the news that Matheus Cunha was boxed off day one but once Mbeumo’s name was mentioned things took a familiar turn. At the time of writing it’s been reported that a third offer has finally broken the deadlock but even so, this ongoing saga is proving more difficult to conclude than deals for Marcelo Salas, Wesley Sneider and Frenkie de Jong combined.

The main issue with United’s newly improved negotiating tactics is that our track record whenever in this position speaks for itself. We always cave in the end as other clubs are all too aware. The money in the PL means that the likes of Brentford can turn their nose up at £60M offers because they’re in no rush and under no pressure to sell. Why would they when the likelihood is we’ll pay the full asking price eventually.

If the club really wanted to demonstrate a change in approach they would have told them to sling it a month ago and quietly informed the player that they would try again in 12 months’ time. £65 million is a more than acceptable offer for a player of his calibre so if Brentford don’t want to sell then forget it and move on. Dragging things on over several weeks in the vain hope they’ll suddenly cave seems to be a hopelessly misguided way of conducting business.

The fact we’re nowhere nearer addressing the fact we still need a centre-forward concerns me more. We appear to have done the entire budget on a couple of players in a position where we already have ample cover as opposed to fixing the obvious deficiencies in the squad. I suppose the plan is to tackle these once we eventually manage to offload a few high profile names set to depart the club this summer.

It came as no surprise that Aston Villa decided against taking up their option on Marcus Rashford because they aren’t daft and they’ve seen first-hand what his actual level is these days. Barcelona seems to be his preferred destination and incredibly, rather than being wishful thinking on his part it looks like it’s actually going to happen. Teddy Sheringham was bang on the other week when he claimed the player didn’t deserve such a move because he simply doesn’t.

I know it sounds peak boomer but I’ll genuinely be seething if he ends up at Barca. I’ll always wish ex-players well when they’ve put in a proper shift here but I’m afraid Rashford abandoned all pretence of that some time ago. Unfortunately he’s now part of a small but very select group (Di Maria and Pogba the others who spring to mind) who can just do one. That clown walking out in front of 90K at the Nou Camp will have me triggered, big-style. If he does pull this off then his PR team deserves every penny they’ve fleeced off him in recent years. He should be playing for Luton Town or Huddersfield this season.

Another guaranteed inductee into the ‘former players who can fuck off’ group is Jadon Sancho. I recall a blue acquaintance regaling me with rumours of his questionable attitude when he was at Dortmund but I dismissed this as unsubstantiated bitter ramblings. Somehow the little slug looks set to move to Juventus and trouser a £4M payoff from United in the process. Honestly, Woodward and Arnold should be in the dock for the remuneration packages they offered players between 2018-2022. Class action suit for industrial-scale criminal negligence, anyone?

In addition to this pair we still have to shift Antony and Garnacho and again, suitors willing to pay a transfer fee (remember them?) seem thin on the ground. I expect Anthony will return to Betis for another loan spell whereas Garnacho will end up at Chelsea once they manage to offload a couple surplus to requirements. I don’t quite understand what the situation is at Chelsea as they sign new players on 10 year contracts every week yet still seem to function as a whole quite coherently. Their ability to account for this without contravening PSR needs to be studied or do the rules not apply in West London or something?

The question is, will these expected departures generate the requisite funds to finance a world-class striker? It doesn’t look too promising given the remaining budget. Some of the names linked so far range from laughable to terrifying (Jamie Vardy, Moise Kean, Calvert-Lewin) and don’t suggest much of an upgrade from our current options. Indeed, Amorim has already tempered expectations by suggesting we can get by with a reduced squad this season due to the lack of European football.

Unless the club can do something dramatic in the next few weeks (hiring Chelsea’s accountant might be a start) and bring in some additional reinforcements it promises to be a difficult few months ahead. There’s still some time, but pre-season is already underway and we’ve not fixed the main issues that made the last campaign such an ordeal. I can understand the inability to recruit a guaranteed goalscorer as it’s incredibly expensive and fraught with difficulty but not signing a new keeper at this stage would be bafflingly stupid.

Noises coming out of the club suggest a top 5 finish is the target for forthcoming season. It’s an ambitious target as looking at the fixture list, it’ll only take 2-3 defeats in that opening run of games before the manager’s future is being called into question again. Amorim’s default mode of plain speaking and refusing to dress things up is admirable but won’t help him much if we’re in the bottom half of the table in October. As you may have already surmised, I’m not feeling too confident about his prospects at this stage. I really hope I’m wrong.

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Euphoria

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Even if attempts to salvage something from this season via Europa success ultimately end in failure, we’ll always have Lyon at home. We’ve been fortunate enough to witness many trophies won over the years but I’d argue moments like that Maguire winner are a much rarer, more precious thing in the life of a football supporter. As an approximate guess I’ve probably celebrated, I dunno, getting on for 2000 goals at United games. That one was right up there as one of the greatest ever. Just for the sheer improbability of what had just occurred.

I can probably count on two hands occasions at the match where I’ve reached that level of headloss previously. It’s a feeling that defies a rational explanation and even if you tried, it wouldn’t sound credible to anyone who hadn’t experienced the same thing themselves. Such scenes tend to be described as ‘limbs’ these days by social media try-hards, with most examples shared tending to be contrived and merely performative. That Maguire goal was more than just limbs, it was one of those moments where you blackout completely and come round 30-40 seconds later thinking ‘what the fuck just happened?’

The feeling it evokes is something close to genuine elation. People try to seek it out through religion, sex, drugs or music but I dunno… as sad as it may sound, to my mind nothing on earth comes close to an injury time winner in absurd circumstances like that. I really should have grown out of this by now. I’m 51 years old and have had many great days watching United but clearly, they still possess the ability to stun me on occasion. What a night. What a feeling. Football man.

As Napoli edge ahead in the race for this year’s Scudetto, the man of the moment is Scott McTominay who’s been tearing things up since his move to Italy. Regular MOTM performances, plenty of goals and rave reviews every week – good for him. Whilst I’m pleased that the move has worked out for the lad, I still can’t get my head around the chorus of social media wailing that follows his every performance now. McTominay is doing well at Napoli but that doesn’t mean that United weren’t entirely correct to sell him when they did.

During his 7 years as a first team player with over 250 appearances, I can barely recall a single occasion when he dominated the midfield. I know he chipped in with a few goals, particularly during his last season, but for the most part he was a passenger in an underperforming team. His attitude was good but his range of passing was poor and he’d routinely concede possession. Even more crucially, he’d regularly go missing when we were crying out for someone to show for the ball. This isn’t singling him out for criticism as his midfield colleagues were equally at fault more often than not.

The fact he’s doing well in Serie A is great for him personally and I hope he continues to enjoy himself there. But let’s put this in some perspective given that he’s back playing alongside Romalu Lukaku. Christ, Darmian and Mkhitaryan are still turning out for Inter Milan at the combined age of 71. I know Italian football is highly technical and can be just as wildly entertaining as it was in its fabled 90s heyday, but it’s just not comparable with the insane physical level of the Premier League. You receive the ball in Italy and have 3-4 seconds to think about what’s next as opposed to having 3 players closing you down in an instant. McTominay is thriving there because the game is played at a slower pace and it suits him better.

I don’t wish to come across as a know-it-all but I told you last month that Bilbao was definitely happening and it looks like it definitely is. I refuse to entertain intrusive thoughts of impending disaster in the home leg so as far as I’m concerned we’ve already qualified for the final. And no, I’m not feeling smug at all about booking direct return flights from MCR last July whilst everyone else is now scrambling round for ways to get there via Timbuktu.

The recent visit for the semi-final provided another memorable day and showcased what an incredible place it is. It’s a cheap drink, the food is world class and the hosts are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. The centre was buzzing all day with locals out on the streets bedecked in red and white stripes. I’m not just talking groups of lads – I mean entire families, pensioners, kids and family pets. All very friendly, not a hint of malice anywhere, all wanting to shake hands and welcome us to their city.

As we got closer to the ground an hour or so before kick off I couldn’t quite believe the scene there. There were thousands packed into the streets surrounding the stadium and there was a full-on carnival taking place. Fireworks, smoke bombs going off, music pumping out of bars – they were having a proper party. I asked a local kid if this was because it was a big game and he just shrugged and said “a few more people because of the bank holiday… but no, it’s always like this”. Personally I’d never seen anything like it. What a gaff.

If we do meet Spurs as is looking likely then I’m sure it’ll be fine for the most part. They are seasoned travellers like us and I expect the vast majority will be wanting a peaceful trip without any mither. With a 15,000 allocation everyone who merits a ticket should get one easily enough, and that’s including members with credits who’re ineligible to apply as things stand. Once people start looking at the logistics of getting there and the lack of accommodation I expect many will swerve it in the end – so there should be plenty of spares floating about for anyone struggling. (Remember this was the case for Stockholm in 2017.)

Fingers crossed then, after what’s been an utter shitshow for the most part, 2024-25 might well end on a high. At times it felt like the club had been cursed this season but perhaps not, eh? Good luck steering clear of the Irish bar divs in Bilbao, enjoy the summer break and I’ll see you in August.

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