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3ft High and Rising

Gulp. I think we all expected another tough season but I don’t think many anticipated the R word might become a possibility at any point. In true modern-day United fashion, everything that can go wrong is currently going wrong and the team (predictably) looks utterly bamboozled by the demands of the new manager. If Ruben Amorim wasn’t aware of the size of the task ahead of him when he first joined the club then he certainly is now.

Talk of relegation is probably being dramatic but it’s fair to say the club has sunk to its lowest ebb since the late-80s. Changing the manager mid-season was incredibly risky, especially considering how Amorim was determined to impose a new formation on a group of players who routinely make the very basics of football look mind-bendingly difficult. The PL is an unforgiving environment to try out new ideas and opponents have been quick to capitalise on the general air of confusion. Honestly Ruben, a 5 minute chat with literally anyone who’s watched us for the last 2-3 years could have warned you of this.

Some of the things witnessed over the last month or so have defied belief. I’ve been following United for over 4 decades and I’ve never seen a goal scored direct from a corner – yet somehow we contrived to concede in this manner in consecutive games. This came after the debacle at Arsenal where Onana, faced with Arsenal’s much vaunted corner kick routine, decided that the best way of dealing with it was to stand rooted to his goal line as opposed to attempting a clearance or god forbid, catching the thing. It was utterly pathetic.

Amorim’s attempts to rotate and give everyone a fair opportunity haven’t really worked and if anything, have only added to the chaos. It’s not entirely his fault as out of the squad he took over only Amad and Mazraoui have shown the slightest bit of form over the last few months. The rest of them have been mainly atrocious since the start of the season. Ten Hag got criticised for being aloof and taking the hardline approach and Amorim seems similarly unperturbed about ruffling feathers. I’m absolutely fine with that, personally – though I don’t expect it will end well for him.

The decision to remove Marcus Rashford from the starting XL came as no surprise as rumours about his discipline and re-fuelling habits have persisted longer than his decline in form. Although I appreciate Amorim trying to make it clear about what is and what isn’t acceptable, I don’t see him winning this particular battle. Rashford knows he has the club by the balls and is free to decide his own future. Whilst I’m sure the club are regretting that long term contract signed in July 2023 and would love to get him off the books, I don’t see anyone outside of Saudi willing to stump up £50M+ and take on his extortionate wages.

Rashford seems to be in full denial of his own shortcomings, hence the now trademark sulky demeanour and lack of application on the pitch. It’s Sancho all over again – mollycoddled player refusing to accept that responsibility is ultimately theirs despite the club bending over backwards to try and accommodate them. Multiple warnings, 2nd chances, pat on the back, arm round the shoulder, blah blah – all for nothing. Meanwhile the player’s personal failings remain unaddressed as their ‘advisors’, the people paid a huge chunk to guide these young millionaires through their careers, only enhance their sense of entitlement by convincing them their conduct is justified and it’s everyone else who’s in the wrong.

That’s essentially why I’ve lost it with Rashford and there’s no going back whatever happens in future. It’s nothing to do with his skin colour, dress sense or choice of holiday destination. I couldn’t care less about where he was born or the fact he’s been at the club since he was a toddler, it just makes his career decline all the more disappointing. Compare and contrast with Diogo Dalot, a limited talent by comparison and often a defensive liability but you could never question his commitment or desire to play for United. Yes, he’s a bit of a knobhead going round hi-fiving all and sundry but if his more-esteemed colleagues matched his energy and enthusiasm I suspect we’d be a lot higher than 14th in the table.

The Rashford contract was another Arnold/Murtough cock-up that will continue to have repercussions until it expires in 2028. And it will expire, because he’ll never sign another like it unless he decides to accept the Saudi lucre earlier than planned. The latest round of briefings from his camp were careful to state that as well as rejecting 3 offers so far he is also (surprise, surprise) “open to staying at United”. Of course he is. We can only hope the club holds its nerve and continues to back Amorim during this current stand-off. Ineos haven’t got very much right in recent months but they at least backed Ten Hag after he decided to dispense with Sancho under similar circumstances.

The Newcastle game was another low point, one that most would have predicted once news broke that Amorim was starting Casemiro and Erikson in midfield together. Again, a deeply flawed decision that was always likely to backfire spectacularly. Zirkzee was hooked and bore the brunt of the OT crowd’s frustration, unceremoniously booed off after only half an hour. Obviously, this was out of order and provided terrible optics to amplify what was an already dire situation. I mean, it’s not his fault is it? He might well be useless and not last very long here but he’s just the latest in a long line of questionable signings. I know everything is crap at present, but let’s not lose the plot completely.

The almost relentless doom of the last month was at least punctuated by a couple of encouraging performances. The unexpected injury time win at the Etihad was possibly eclipsed by a very credible point at Anfield where the team demonstrated what they can achieve once everyone applies themselves. It was our best performance of the season by a distance with players snapping into tackles and leaving everything out on the pitch. We very unlucky not to sneak the 3 points in the end and hopefully sets a benchmark for what needs to be repeated over the coming months.

These are still the early days of Amorim’s reign and it’s been a rocky start to say the least. He’s taken over a struggling team that’s an uneven mix of kids, new signings and a fair few who know they’ll be shipped out once their contracts are up. I don’t think we’re as bad as the league position suggests but it’s clear he has a job on his hands trying to build a team out of what he’s inherited. Honestly, I don’t know where we go from here given the schizophrenic nature of most of these players. I hope they step up for him but honestly, it wouldn’t be a shock if it blew up in his face and he was canned before the end of the season. Who knows what’s coming next.

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Start Again

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So my prediction last month that he’d last until the November international break proved optimistic in the end. I’m disappointed for Erik, but I’m sure that he knew it was coming the same as we did. He was on borrowed time since the Ineos takeover and was only spared the axe in May due to the unexpected FA Cup success. Other than that, our league form was utterly abject and despite the influx of new players in the summer, showed little sign of improvement.

When some time has passed I think his tenure might be looked upon more favourably. During his first season in charge, after a terrible start we actually looked like a decent side for a few months. That period saw him dispense with Ronaldo and culminated with the league cup win at Wembley. For a few weeks it genuinely felt like bald was indeed best and that something might be happening. Then Casemiro lost form through injury and suspension and De Gea started chucking it in his own net every week. The moment had gone and we never recovered.

Last season saw us go from bad to worse. Sancho took on Ronaldo’s mantle of disrupter-in-chief, Rashford virtually gave up trying and injuries across the whole squad decimated any chance of him picking a settled side. There was also the ongoing saga of the takeover resulting in a brand new management structure to contend with. Amidst all that Ten Hag successfully eased out serial underperformers and replaced them with several promising kids which was all a huge positive, but unfortunately didn’t lead to an upturn in league form.

The FA Cup win bought him a couple of months but if he was going to survive, this summer’s intake had to gel instantly and he needed results. That obviously didn’t happen but I still believe we’re in a better place now than when he first took over. Ten Hag wasn’t entirely blameless by any stretch and you could reasonably argue the job ultimately proved too big and that he’d run out of ideas. But I’d also contest that he needed more time. Unfortunately though, with Ineos ultra-keen to be seen as aggressively pursuing best-in-class, Erik was never going to be given the additional year or two needed to complete the jigsaw.

It didn’t take long for Ten Hag’s successor to be identified, and it wasn’t a name many would have predicted given his absence from the shortlist that was doing the rounds in the summer. An unfamiliar figure to most, the new man was to be Ruben Amorim from Sporting CP. He’s young, speaks good English, distinct playing style, highly rated coach, successful in a ‘lesser’ league and universally loved by his players. Basically, he possesses the exact same set of credentials that made Ten Hag the standout candidate in 2022.

It’s a shame that amidst the upheaval we’ve also lost ravishing Ruud after just a few months back at the club. I hadn’t really considered this a possibility given he was an Ineos-approved appointment, wrongly assuming it was part of a wider strategy that would see Ashworth/Wilcox take charge of the coaching structure from now on. One can only assume that Amorim made it a condition of the deal that he was only interested if his trusted deputies (the Amorimettes?) were allowed to accompany him.

Amorim arrived at Carrington looking tanned, relaxed and with a beaming smile plastered across his face – the Moncler jacket and hoodie giving off groovy 6th form tutor aesthetics. Also notable was a distinct lack of grey hair (give it 6 months) and a jeans/ trainers combo so appalling it brought to mind those strange rig outs City’s squad choose to wear on match day. Based off the MUTV-released footage, Amorim spent his first day in the country shaking hands with every single person within a 2 mile radius of OT. Receptionists, ground staff, chefs, random museum punters, the lot.

When I read that our new man is committed to playing 3-4-3 my immediate thought was there’s no way he can even attempt that with our lot. Successive United coaches have struggled to impose a distinct style of play and previous attempts at high intensity pressing lasted about 5 mins before the idea was abandoned. One of Ten Hags problems is that he was slow to recognise it was nigh on impossible to play out from the back once he was missing Martinez and half his midfield wouldn’t show for the ball.

Having pondered it for a while, I’d tentatively suggest it might possibly have a chance of working now. Martinez and De Ligt are both very capable of adapting and Mazraoui continues to impress on the ball. If Luke Shaw is nearing full fitness again (a big ‘if’, I know), then the idea might not be as outlandish as it first seemed. I still feel that Amorim has his work cut out if he’s expecting the entire squad to happily embrace a new formation and fresh ideas. One player in particular should be counting his blessings at the fact he’s survived yet another managerial cull whilst continuing to stink the place out with both his attitude and general demeanour.

As for his overall chances of success? We’ve been at this juncture so many times in recent years so who knows. I don’t think the squad’s a million miles away now but he definitely needs a new LB and another centre half. A top quality striker remains a must and a midfielder to replace Casemiro and Erikson when they depart in the summer. As well as that he could do with a decent start, regular doses of good fortune and most crucially of all, he needs consistent results. A magic wand would be nice too, of course.

In his first interview he made all the right noises, correctly pointing out that results buy time and for now, his immediate priority is giving the team an identity – something that completely eluded his predecessor. Amorim claims to be relaxed and not feeling “the weight” as he described it, but I don’t expect that to last. He’ll quickly discover (he should really know already) that the United gig comes with levels of scrutiny and pressure that don’t apply to almost any other job in football. The refs aren’t your friend and the media can’t wait for you to screw up.

The message has surely been relayed to Amorim that the expectation is the club needs to be challenging for the title next season otherwise he’ll be moved on. Ineos’ treatment of Ten Hag has made that perfectly clear – cup wins won’t save you, they’ll only delay your departure. As for the brains trust at the OT helm, they have their own man in now so they need to back him properly and show some patience. I won’t be happy if we’re having this same conversation again in a couple of years’ time.

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Fetch The Bolt Cutters

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The fact I’ve delayed writing this column until minutes before deadline due to the possibility Ten Hag could be sacked at any moment speaks volumes for how the campaign has begun. Given he was on thin ice to begin with, it was crucial that the new signings hit the ground running and that the team showed a marked improvement on last season’s miserable form. Unfortunately for Erik, instead it’s been a continuation of what we’ve seen for the last 18 months or so. United are still a complete disaster. We might even be getting worse based on the evidence seen so far.

It’s not all been completely terrible, as the first hour at Palace demonstrated what the team could be capable of at some point in the future. That aside, it’s difficult to find any positives at all other than the fact Mazraoui (naturally now unavailable for the foreseeable) looks to be an upgrade on Wan-Bissaka. But that’s pretty much all I can summon up 2 months into the current season. The main highlight I can recall is a goalless draw at Selhurst Park where we actually looked like a functioning football team for a brief period. And that’s your lot, really. It’s been almost laughably grim viewing for the most part.

Ten Hag really doesn’t help himself at times, and his reading of the game can be perplexing to say the least. Attackers are repeatedly withdrawn from games for purposes of rotation, he says – but when they’ve been the most threatening presence on the pitch (Rashford at Porto for example) the substitutions make no sense. I thought the same thing when he hooked Zirkzee at Palace, rather than providing fresh momentum, the subs tend to interrupt the flow and kill any attacking impetus. I understand the need to rotate and give players minutes, but surely what’s happening on the pitch should inform these decisions.

As well as the seemingly preordained attacking substitutions, he’s developed a habit of causing defensive uncertainty by making regular mid-game switches at centre-half. If these changes are forced due to injury or fatigue then fair enough, but there’s been a number of instances where this hasn’t appeared to be the case at all. For a team that needs to develop a spine, it’s a strange way to try and instil any kind of confidence or consistency. We don’t look to have progressed in the slightest – it’s the same incoherent mess that was a struggle to watch throughout the duration of last season.

Out of all the summer signings made, the one we desperately needed to work out was Ugarte in midfield. Casemiro looks like he’d struggle with the pace of Soccer Aid these days, Mainoo is suffering from starting every game and Bruno gets more erratic by the week. Based on the evidence seen so far, I’m not convinced Ugarte is anywhere near the level needed to improve the team’s ability to control games and dominate possession. I always forget that Mason Mount plays for United given how infrequently he’s seen. Anyway, he made a brief re-appearance before promptly getting injured again to no one’s great surprise.

I’ve always been a staunch defender of Bruno and overlooked his shortcomings due to the fact he provides a goal threat in a team that largely doesn’t. However, the moments of inspiration are becoming less frequent and his bad games are starting to outnumber the good ones. The worse the team is performing, the more risks he takes. Honestly, I’m starting to see logic in the school of thought that suggests we’ll never progress whilst he’s handed a license to roam around the pitch and do pretty much whatever he fancies.

It’s probably the recent sending offs that have tipped me over the edge, but I’m getting tired of watching the same things happen over and over again. If United were a better team we could probably accommodate his recklessness, but we aren’t. The midfield consists of vast swathes of empty space for the most part so it’s no wonder we struggle to control games. I said after the Spurs game that the 3 game suspension might turn out to be a blessing in disguise given it would force Ten Hag to try something different. Then, naturally, the red card gets overturned. Of course it does. More chaos incoming, then.

I was pleased that Ten Hag was given the opportunity to stay on this summer, but suspected deep down that we were headed for this juncture sooner rather than later. Ineos appeared to explore every possible alternative before offering him a chance to turn things around, but clearly the gamble has backfired spectacularly. We’re currently sitting 14th in the PL table and 21st in the Europa League. If we’re being honest, an 8th place finish flattered us last season when our form was more akin of a mid-table team. Right now it’s no longer a question of if they sack him, it’s more a question of when.

Despite being confounded by many of his decisions, the stubborn part of me still hopes they keep their nerve and give him more time. I maintain that Ten Hag is a top man and think he’s done a lot of positive things (in difficult circumstances) in trying to change the culture around the club. We all acknowledged it would likely take 2-3 years to eradicate the failings of the previous regime and become serious contenders again. Having decided to put their faith in him in June, is it really the right call to reverse on that decision before the end of October?

On balance, it probably is – as I don’t expect to see any sudden upturn in form over the next few months. Although I’m loathe to admit defeat and return to the cycle of sacking managers every 2 years, it now feels inevitable that he’ll be gone in a matter of weeks. The club can’t afford a season floundering in mid-table without any signs of progress. Qualification for Europe looks to be a stretch at present, never mind finishing in the top 4. My expectation is he’ll limp on until the next international break, by which time the board will have lined up the next recipient of the poisoned chalice. I’m sorry, Erik – but it’s just not happening, is it?

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