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Brief Encounters

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Nothing is guaranteed in life, yet you can always count on United’s ticket office to dream up new and unique ways to make life as difficult as possible for their customers. I honestly can’t think of another commercial enterprise in the world so dedicated to inconveniencing the public it purports to serve. Over several years we’ve seen the implementation of increasingly controlling measures designed to “combat touting”. Neither digitised tickets nor random collections have led to a decrease in tickets being offered at inflated prices online, but rather than target the actual touts the club appears to be solely fixated on attacking supporters. 

Aside from another price increase, the main takeaway from the ST renewal email that went out last month was the news that if your ticket isn’t scanned for 3 games next season then the club reserves the right to take it away. Doesn’t matter if the weather, illness, train strikes, work commitments or family bereavements get in the way. You either attend 17 out of 19 games (or return or donate your ticket blah, blah…) or you’re out on the ear. On face value it’s baffling to think why they’d go out of their way to impose such a draconian rule, but I think I can guess what their ultimate goal is here. 

I’m convinced that the motive behind this purge on the basic freedoms of ST holders is to make us think “bollocks to this, I cba with it anymore” until such a point where we eventually give it up. 52,000 season tickets is the highest in the PL and the club know they can steadily increase revenue if they gradually reduce this number. With seats back in the hands of the club they’d be free to sell them for a premium on a game by game basis. They would deny this of course, and point towards the ST waiting list and sales to members as evidence, but slowly but surely their aim is to increase the allocation available to 1-2 game a season punters who’ll happily pay a few hundred quid for what’s described as an “exec” package.

After moving all ST’s to digital in 2021, they’ll be a further change this summer with everyone now obliged to download United’s app – ST’s will no longer be compatible with regular wallet apps where they can easily be forwarded to other phones or screenshotted. The recent trial at the Luton home game threw up a couple of interesting findings. Whilst tickets in the United app can’t be screenshotted (a message pops up informing you of this when attempted), a mate tried taking a photo of the barcode on another phone and scanning it at the turnstiles. Incredibly, this worked as they are still using regular 2D static codes as opposed to the rotating, dynamic type now favoured by the likes of Ticketmaster. 

So there we have it. Months of planning and who knows how many thousands of pounds developing a convoluted new system that benefits precisely nobody, yet it took about 2 minutes to figure out a way around the additional security. As a mate amusingly remarked in the WhatsApp group, “A bit like Antony, they’ve spent money and gone round in circles to achieve absolutely nowt.” Unsurprising to learn that such a rarefied level of incompetence isn’t just confined to the boardroom, management and playing staff, I suppose. 

United aren’t the only club focused on upsetting customers whilst claiming to be acting in their interests. Arsenal have recently banned 300+ fans and cancelled memberships for the crime of buying tickets via their own official exchange. 16 accounts were identified as suspicious as they were buying tickets in large batches before selling them on, not content with targeting these re-sellers they’ve also terminated the accounts of anyone who unwittingly bought from them. Newcastle fans too, have complained all season about being subjected to the same nonsense regarding collections that’ve become common practice at MUFC away fixtures in recent years. 

One of the main issues the club needs to sort out is the difficulty in obtaining tickets for domestic aways. Since the ticket forwarding feature was introduced the number of applications per game has nearly trebled, with 14,000+ applying for the recent FA Cup tie at Wigan. Even if someone only has a vague intention of attending themselves, they can still apply and forward on to anyone who was unsuccessful in the ballot. As a ST holder in the standard pot your chance of success is only around 20% now, whereas when you applied back in the day (via the token sheet and SAE method) you got one more often than not. 

The loyalty pot is rightly called out for hoovering up a sizeable proportion of each allocation but it comprises of less than 500 people now. Members of this group enjoy a success rate upwards of 80% and take a rough estimate of 15% of each allocation. With the current numbers applying, even if the loyalty pot was disbanded tomorrow the chances of being successful in the standard pot would only increase by around 3%. There’s an argument that collections should be mandatory for all games, which would no doubt put off many people applying, but this isn’t always practical for larger allocations. Most away grounds don’t have the facilities to accommodate 3,000 people queuing up to collect their ticket an hour before kick off. 

So the question is, how can the club increase the chances of regular ST holders being successful in the ballot? Eradicating the loyalty pot would have little effect, extending the qualifying criteria from 5-10 years seems unduly harsh and increasing the number of mandatory collections might not be an option either. The main driver behind the increase in numbers applying has to be the ability to forward on your ticket via the United website. 

Consider this scenario: let’s say you and a mate fancy going to Villa away, you need a pair of tickets but you know your chances of getting them are only 20%. What happens is you get 4 other mates to apply, logic being that this will increase your chances because if they are successful they can simply forward their ticket to you. If that is repeated hundreds of times that’s why we’re seeing the crazy numbers applying for each game now that wasn’t the case in previous years. Unlike the loyalty pot, as far as I’m aware there’s no limit to the amount of times someone successful in the standard pot can forward a ticket. In simple terms, the ticket forwarding facility encourages people to apply even if they have no intention of attending a particular game. 

Most ticketing communications from United are accompanied by a reminder of the club’s unwavering determination to eradicate touting. However, for some mysterious reason they’re reluctant to engage with touts directly. To my mind, it’s pretty simple what needs to be done if they want to identify people habitually selling on for profit. When the usual suspects are offering tickets for sale on social media, simply make an account, pay the money and buy the ticket. Within a matter of minutes the ticket office could identify the original recipient and administer whatever punishment they choose. 

I’m convinced the reason why the club chooses not to utilise such tactics is because their findings would throw up some uncomfortable truths. God forbid they confirm (as long suspected) that it’s tickets from sponsors, executives and the players’ pool that are routinely being sold to touts. Don’t expect this situation ever to be addressed, just bear it in mind next time you’re bemoaning the lack of a Forest ticket yet there’s pairs being offered for £300+ on social media. The source of these isn’t the loyalty pot, I can assure you. 

Copyright Red News – March 2024

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There’s Nothing Like This

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I’m writing during the middle of the winter break and honestly, its arrival came as a relief given it signalled a fortnight without having to suffer watching United play football. It’s debatable whether this last 6 months has been the nadir of the post-Ferguson era, but it’s certainly up there with the regrettable Moyes experiment and the 2nd season under Van Gaal. It’s been tortuous at times, and the forward trajectory and resultant optimism of a year ago has disappeared completely. 

There are numerous mitigating factors of course, but it doesn’t alter the fact that United remain in a complete mess. Sometimes, like after the Villa home game, you look at them and think “they’re definitely behind him” and you manage to convince yourself there’ll be a concerted effort to carry that level of determination into the next game. Then 4 days later it’s Forest away and they simply don’t turn up. It’s so predictable and the same thing has been happening for years on repeat. 

Now that the transition to being INEOS-led is finally underway we can hopefully look forward to having some serious people in charge again. Poaching one of the main heads at City could be seen as a coup of sorts, but such is my complete lack of faith the immediate thought was “I bet he’s a plant” – either that or he’ll be in prison in 6 months’ time if they’re found guilty of these 115 charges. I’m being facetious of course, but it would be classic modern day United if the incumbent CEO ended up in court defending the actions of his previous employer. 

Given that splashing the cash on big money transfers is no longer an option, (such activity being one of the root causes of our current predicament), there’s little we can do except pray the changes Ratcliffe, Brailsford & Co put into practice have an immediate positive effect on the current staff. Despite haemorrhaging millions on players, the overall quality of the squad is still questionable. Senior pros aren’t performing or have a terrible attitude (more on Rashford in a bit), the few quality players we have are too old or injury prone, those possessing the right work-ethic aren’t good enough and the jury’s still out on a handful of recent arrivals. 

I’ll be convinced by Omar Berrada if we manage to go a few months without hearing rumours of Wan Bissaka’s terms being extended or that United are considering handing Scott McTominay a new deal. When is the penny going to drop that keeping mediocre players under contract doesn’t suddenly pique the interest of potential buyers? We’ve been doing this for a decade now and I don’t recall the tactic working once. Mediocre is probably harsh as this pair are good players, they just aren’t good enough if we’re expecting to compete at the top level any time soon. 

Dalot is another one who United consider a major asset despite his performances suggesting the exact opposite is the case. By all accounts he’s a good professional and he clearly tries his hardest, but are you kidding me? I’m left dumbfounded by the narrative that he’s developed over the last couple of years. He was a liability when he was shipped off to Milan on loan 4 years ago and he remains a liability now. The fact he’s found the net as opposed to Row Z on a couple of occasions recently is more a statistical anomaly than evidence of marked improvement. It’s embarrassing that the club’s social media promotes such nonsense, it’s like they’re trying to gaslight us.

The club’s financial position is so perilous that we don’t appear to be in the position to bring in our annual comedy loan signing this month. Despite losing Martial to injury and shipping that rat Sancho back to Dortmund, unless something dramatic happens at the death it looks like we’re relying on Hojlund and Rashford alone to provide goals for the rest of the season. If one or both get injured what’s the plan then? Recalling Hugill from Burton Albion would be an option (I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words) but whatever way you look at it, we’re desperately short of options. 

Although he’ll always have an army of defenders on social media, I think most normal United fans have lost it with Rashford after his “performances” over the last few months. Watching an alleged senior pro and lifelong red strop around the pitch scowling whilst turning in a series of utterly abysmal displays has done me in. I’m not sure how he had the gall to make that yapping gesture after scoring against Spurs the other week. Like a number of his peers, it’s uncertain if he’s got a clue what’s going on with his life anymore. 

How he’s turned from an excited young teenager absolutely buzzing to have scored on his PL debut to the brooding, entitled bellend we witness today encapsulates everything detestable about a growing number of modern footballers. The manner in which players so lauded and highly remunerated lose all perspective and basically start taking the piss out of their own public speaks volumes about their true character. In Rashford’s case it’s all the more embarrassing given the cringeworthy “humble kid with a heart of gold” schtick that’s pumped out by his PR team. 

In the meantime, the player is out clubbing in “the biggest dive in Belfast” according to another contributor to the mag, before phoning in sick and missing training the next morning. Despite the club briefing journalists that “everything is fine” and the  video footage was from a previous night (it wasn’t), the optics are pretty terrible here – just as they were following his comment on Instagram reacting to Sancho’s arrival at Dortmund. They can try and play down his antics all they like, but he’s been phoning it in all season and something is clearly not right with him. 

The club is facing a bit of a conundrum now because whilst Rashford appears to have decided he doesn’t fancy Ten Hag, he remains one of their biggest commercial assets and is one of the few players who’d command a large fee if they were to leave. If United decide to dispense with the manager at the end of the season (which is entirely possible irrespective of Rashford’s feelings on the subject), I’m sure he’d feel placated and everything will settle. If Ten Hag is given another season, then it’s looking increasingly likely that the club will decide to cash in this summer. Fingers crossed they go with Option B. 

Copyright Red News – February 2024

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Running on the Spot

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Looking at the current form table, you’d be forgiven for thinking that United’s season has started to turnaround in recent weeks. 4 wins from the last 5 league games is perfectly agreeable as long as you don’t dwell on the quality of opposition faced or the state of the performances. Current league form aside, the European campaign has been a complete disaster and Newcastle ensured that they’ll be no repeat of last season’s Energy Drink Cup “triumph.”

The worst performance was saved for last month’s Manchester derby – an excruciating afternoon which once again highlighted the gaping chasm that exists between ourselves and our blue brethren. Back when we reigned supreme and City were a national laughing stock they at least used to turn up for this fixture more often than not. Watching United unleash their laboured half-press against the best team in Europe led to an entirely predictable outcome. Yet again, it wasn’t the defeat that stung, it was the sheer ease of it. 

The run up to the game was dominated by the sad news of Sir Bobby Charlton’s passing. The term “legend” is bandied about so casually these days that the true meaning of the word can be diminished, but Sir Bobby was a genuine legend in the world of sport. I was lucky enough to meet him on a couple of occasions and each time found him to be a total gentleman, the opposite of the cold and brusque figure I’d heard others describe him as previously. An incredible man who lived an incredible life and who’ll never be forgotten. 

As mentioned above, the team’s performances in Europe have done nothing to dampen the sense that United are out of their depth at CL level and the Europa would present a more realistic target. (Granted, Thursday nights are a pain in the arse as would be the absence of Saturday daytime kick offs). Bayern were always going to be tough opposition but Copenhagen and Galatasaray should be canon fodder for any team likely to reach the later stages. 

Galatasaray were there for the taking at OT had the team maintained even a minimum level of composure after taking the lead – but we seem hellbent on conceding each time we score at present. The Copenhagen away game was United’s season encapsulated in 90 minutes. Only this team could be 2-0 up and coasting 5 mins before HT then contrive to get a man sent off and concede 2 goals prior to heading down the tunnel. I can’t even get mad at them as it’s just so bleakly comic. 

Thanks to a brittle defence, crap refereeing, VAR punishing us at every opportunity and some inexplicably inept goalkeeping we could be classed as fortunate to have not been knocked out already. All we need to do now is win in Turkey (no biggie with our mentality monsters) then beat Bayern at home and we should be sorted. The likelihood is, sadly, that we’ve already been rolled over in Istanbul by the time you’re reading this. 

I detest using injuries, referees or VAR as excuses but we seem utterly cursed at the moment. VAR results in at least double the amount of questionable decisions the technology was proposed to eradicate and in practice, proves no less subjective than a referee making an instant decision without back up. There’s no doubt it’s made the match day experience significantly worse and instead of highlighting goals incorrectly ruled out, seems far more focused on penalising players for minuscule offside transgressions or unavoidable handballs. 

Sadly, there’s zero chance of common sense taking hold to put an end to the madness. There’s too much invested in VAR for it to be removed and I’d argue those in charge of the game actively welcome the constant debate around the subject. The never-ending controversy drives social media engagement and that’s how these organisations measure success. If Sky didn’t have it, how on earth would they fill the 25 hours of airtime spent droning on about the subject every single week? Not to mention the fact it now merits its own dedicated programme. 

No team does seethe quite like Everton, so it was heartening to discover that United’s (probable) final visit to Goodison Park would see their perma-outraged support even more unhappy than usual – this of course, due to the PL handing them a 10 point deduction for PSR rule breaches between 2019 and 2022. Naturally, they aren’t happy with the decision at all, which has led to predictable cries of “corruption!” and plans for protest at forthcoming games. 

Whilst I can sympathise and understand Everton fans’ frustrations, I don’t think the penalty they’ve received is all that egregious. Whilst the club were reportedly transparent with the numbers posted and worked hard to find a resolution with the PL, the fact is they broke the rules and they’ve been handed an appropriate punishment. As for the PL being corrupt, I’m not convinced about that either. They aren’t corrupt, they’re just inept and incapable of controlling the cesspit of billionaires they’ve collated over the last couple of decades. 

What must rankle most from an Evertonian perspective is the fact they’ve been charged once and found guilty, whereas a certain other club have been charged 115 times yet continue to deny all culpability whilst claiming to possess reams of evidence proving their innocence. This evidence, presumably, the same as what was presented to the PL during the 4 year investigation which resulted in the 115 charges in the first place. 

Clearly, it’s easier to rule on a single charge than a total of 115, but the fallout from this isn’t going away until the PL reach a conclusion and administer some kind of justice for what appears to be multiple breaches of their own rules. It might take another couple of years of stalling tactics and further appeals, but we all know what’s coming eventually. City fans can continue to deny it whilst their Abu Dhabi paymeisters spend another billion on the greatest collection of lawyers ever assembled but it’s inevitable. I honestly cannot wait.

Copyright Red News – December 2023

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