Mistletoe and Whine

Northampton Town v Manchester United - EFL Cup Third Round

As December arrives, the run of victories needed to signal that progress has been made is still proving maddeningly elusive. Form-wise, it’s exactly the same story as it’s been for much of the last 3 seasons – we win a couple, draw a couple, then there’s a demoralising defeat. Then the cycle starts again. And again. This team never gets as far as turning a corner as it appears destined to go round in circles indefinitely – we’re stuck on a merry-go-round of mediocrity.

One of the curious managerial ticks of Mourinho, besides the booting water bottles and getting himself sent off, is the fact he’s always treated the league cup with an almost unnatural level of respect. Walking away from OT after the West Ham league game last Sunday, the frustration of another draw was compounded by the surety that we’d batter them 3 days later. If only those brief outbreaks of free-flowing football witnessed in the Europa League and EFL Cup could be replicated in the league, eh?

Not a chance. The latest brace of squandered points again came courtesy of the team’s recently acquired habit of conceding within the last 10 minutes, this time directly as a result of Marouane Fellaini’s untimely introduction at Goodison Park. As I’ve stated a number of times previously, and I don’t say this flippantly, the bog-brushed Belgian is football’s version of the Ebola virus. He is a menace and he is dangerous.

Quite why Mourinho, like Moyes and Van Gaal before him, seems to view Fellaini as some sort of trusted lieutenant remains a complete mystery. With his first touch of the ball he passed straight to the opposition, with his second he stuck out a leg and gave away a penalty, then with his third he passed the ball straight out of play. This was the sum total of his contribution having presumably been sent on to add some composure and help see the game out. Composure? I honestly wouldn’t trust him to make a cup of tea without setting himself on fire. I’m not even joking.

If we’re looking for reasons why we continue to struggle, then one needs look no further than the fact that this clown has now racked up 100 appearances for Manchester United. I honestly have no idea how he continues to feature at all. Is he really, really good in training or something? Does his contract stipulate that he has to play a certain number of games? Does he possess incriminating evidence regarding the sexual predilections of an unnamed Glazer family member? Am I missing something? Just… why?

Since January is fast approaching, it’s fair to assume that we’ll be active in the transfer market again in search of defensive reinforcements – this despite Ed Woodward stating unequivocally at the fans’ forum a couple of months back that there would be no new additions until the summer. Rojo, Jones and Darmian continue to look like disasters waiting to happen, Smalling and Shaw are forever injured… the only one who I’ve any real confidence in is Eric Bailly and of course no sooner is he back from injury, then he’s off to Gabon for the African Cup of Nations.

Antonio Valencia appears to be another Mourinho favourite despite being routinely average week-in, week-out. This is another part of the problem. Because his colleagues are so consistently error prone, journeyman trundlers like Tony gain an unmerited significance in the greater scheme of things. It’s a nonsense really, that an unspectacular winger who was initially moved back as emergency cover has now made the right back berth his own. Quite simply, he’s nothing special. He’s a great athlete, he diligently runs up and down, he makes tackles and he attempts crosses. Jesus, we may as well sign Micah Richards if being merely perfunctory is deemed acceptable.

Instead of signing another 2-3 players in January, it would give me more pleasure if we avoided spending altogether and instead binned 4-5 off the wage bill who are going absolutely nowhere at OT. Memphis, Ashley Young, Schweinsteiger, Fellaini… that’s just for starters. Let’s just get rid and start again. We can persevere with the remaining lot, try and drum some sense into them and if cover is required, farm the youth and reserve teams and let’s see who we unearth. It would be a gamble, obviously… but I’d rather see youngsters given a chance as opposed to bang-average senior pros who don’t have any future here beyond the end of their contracts.

Admittedly, there’s an element of ‘cutting your nose off to spite your face’ in this, but why not? For the last 3 years we’ve had a steady influx of new faces each transfer window and it’s got us precisely nowhere. We’ve spent about £300M at the last count and for what return exactly? We’re on our 3rd manager in 4 years, we aren’t playing any better and the squad is still littered with crap players. Enough’s enough.

It doesn’t matter if we finish mid-table because the way things are going, we’re going to finish mid-table anyway. What’s the point in finishing 6th and qualifying for the Europa League again? That’s doing us no favours whatsoever this year, if anything we’re at a disadvantage given how participation affects preparation time for league games. I genuinely think it would work to our advantage if we resisted throwing money at any further stopgaps, and instead focused on clearing out the dross whilst waiting for proper targets to become available in the summer.

Anyway, I think that’s me done for 2016. Fellaini, Brexit, Trump… it’s been an absolute stinker. Merry Christmas, everybody.

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Kicker Conspiracy

Beyond Belief

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Despite a mixed bag of results on paper, there’s no disputing that last month’s testing run of fixtures proved quite… umm… testing. It was an absolute horror show at times, and proved that early season predictions that some sort of renaissance was underway were well wide of the mark. At the moment, United look to be heading towards mid-table rather than mounting a title challenge. The team is all over the place and we look a mess. Rather than settling in, instead (as many predicted) Mourinho has started to lash out.

During the 27 years of stability under Fergie, we managed to swerve most of the crises that befall other football clubs. Dressing room dissent was dealt with swiftly, underperforming players were removed and any established cliques were abolished. There was no going back for those who’d served their purpose or who fell below the standards he imposed at the club. It didn’t matter if you were Jim McGregor or David Beckham, upset him and you were history.

As supporters, we were complicit in this too. Fergie could get away with making unpopular decisions because of his longevity and his track record – he just wasn’t questioned by the vast majority. (It might be worth adding that I’m talking purely about football decisions here, given that he was rightly called out on his support for the Glazers and his indifference to the wider issues pertaining to the 2005 takeover.)

Post-Fergie, it’s a very different script at Old Trafford nowadays. It started with Moyes, continued with Van Gaal and now a few months into his reign, we’re seeing it with Mourinho too. The minute there’s a few bad results or questionable team selections, the spotlight falls on the manager and his whole tenure is called into question. In other words, we’ve headed down the same path as every other set of dumbo football fans across the country.

The players in place now are a mixed bag that have been brought to the club by 4 different managers, as well as a couple that were reputedly signed by Woodward alone (presumably on the advice of others.) As a group they have failed to adapt to changing systems and appear to lack any kind of team spirit or pack mentality. Despite containing several self-proclaimed ‘big men’, they are soft-centered and crumble under the slightest pressure. They lack bottle, leadership, fight and initiative – it’s a toxic mix of has-beens, maybes and never gonna bes.

Add to this the fact they’ve now successfully seen off two managers whilst absolving themselves of any kind of culpability. I’m aware that Moyes is the John Major of football and Van Gaal was well past his sell-by date – both deserved to go – but this all increases the players’ sense of entitlement and demonstrates their expertise in passing the buck. Enough is enough on that score. If there’s a problem within that dressing room it’s with them as a group, not the new manager. If Mourinho decides the way to proceed is naming and shaming a few in an attempt to get a reaction, then he should be applauded. If they don’t like it, then they can find a club that’s more tolerant of half-arsed mediocrity.

The camera-friendly, ‘just happy to be here!’ mentality is probably best summed up by Bastian Schweinsteiger, who Mourinho was quick to point towards the exit door within a couple of weeks of taking the job. We’re constantly reminded by his friends and ex-colleagues what a great guy he is, and how they’re disgusted at his treatment, yet what has Bastian actually done here over the last 18 months other then pose for selfies and post self-pitying, #sadface missives on social media? Good riddance to him when he does finally get off his sizeable backside for a similarly underwhelming stint at the Seattle Blue Sox, or whoever else is daft enough to hand him another contract.

If Schweinsteiger is such a proud professional with a burning desire to play football, then he would have listened to what Mourinho was telling him and done what 99% of other footballers do in such circumstances. When informed they’re no longer part of a manager’s plans, most players simply instruct their agents to find them another club. All this nonsense about him loving United is just posturing. The only thing Schweinsteiger admires about United currently is the enormous pay cheque he picks up at the end of each month.

As Karl-Heinz Rummenigge and his cronies at Bayern Munich are so appalled at poor Basti’s plight, then rather than bitching about United and Mourinho, why don’t they pick up the phone and ask him to come back? Exactly. Of course they won’t – because they aren’t that stupid or deludedly sentimental. It’s exactly the same reason Klopp will never hand Gerrard another contract at Liverpool, despite him hanging round Melwood like some sort of lovesick ex-boyfriend. Bayern knew Schweinsteiger was finished 2-3 years ago, the same everyone else in football. Well, everyone except Manchester United, rather embarrassingly.

Finally, like me you’re probably still trying to get your head round the fact that Donald Trump has won the United States presidential election. A power hungry, bad tempered xenophobe running the free world. Scary stuff, eh? Never fear though, as this could actually work to our advantage. Okay, so the end of the world might now be inevitable during our lifetimes, but if he does push the button, at least it could be next May with Liverpool poised to win the title and City in the Champions League final. Keep your fingers crossed…