Tag Archives: premier league

Yesterday’s Men

During his time at Chelsea, every Mourinho smirk, quip and raised eyebrow had the English press pack in raptures. In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a very different narrative being played out now he’s Manchester United’s manager. José is the out-of-touch dinosaur and instead it’s Pep, Poch and Jurgen Klopp getting journalists into an engorged state. That’s absolutely fine. The rush to hand out plaudits and prizes after 6 or 7 games is utterly laughable, as City’s recent coronation as ‘the invincibles’ proved quite succinctly.

When I was a kid, I can recall my old man telling me not to even bother looking at the league table until after 10 games or so. At that point, you get a fair indication of what’s what given each team will have played a couple of tough fixtures so you can properly assess form. It’s pretty obvious stuff, really… but football in 2016 doesn’t care for a sense of perspective or reality, it’s all about hyperbole. As Sparky notes elsewhere in this issue, everything either has to be “the best ever” or “the worst ever.”

The truth of course, is that United are somewhere in-between. I closed last month’s optimism-fuelled column with a note of caution regarding the impending Manchester derby – a wise move given how it duly managed to obliterate the early season feel-good factor within the space of 45 minutes. How very sobering. Even more depressingly, the resultant hangover has proven difficult to shift as we head into a very testing autumnal run of fixtures.

The 1st of these, away at Anfield, was negotiated successfully with the deployment of some vintage Mourinho nullifying tactics. As unpalatable as some might find it, the ‘go for a 0-0 and anything else’s a bonus’ mindset was entirely predictable and executed perfectly. 35% possession would have made Van Gaal wince and despite the lack of chances, in this instance the end result justified the means. With Chelsea and City around the corner, the last thing required was another defeat.

Clearly, a United team being sent out with such limited ambition is going to irritate a sizeable number of people. Mourinho’s willingness to exercise such a game plan was cited as a reason some were against him ever being given the job in the first place – his propensity for negativity being a ‘betrayal of our attacking traditions’ and all that.

Personally, I don’t see a problem. If he was setting us up to bore teams into submission every game like we tried to for much of the last 3 seasons, then I’d be complaining as loud as anyone. But he isn’t. It’s not Southampton at home, it’s Liverpool away… and the result is everything. There have been plenty of abject games at Anfield over the last 20 years, where typically we’ve turned in half-hearted performances and been soundly beaten. The last time we went there and properly dominated them was the 3-1 win back in December ’97 – it just doesn’t happen very often. So all things considered I’m quite content with a single point, thank you very much.

If Mourinho has discovered that his time as the darling of the English press is over, it’s nothing compared to the mensis horribilis that Wayne Rooney has just endured. Despite the fact that the football watching public have long been frustrated by his fading abilities, it’s only in the last 4 weeks that the cabal of media/ex-pros and managers have finally admitted the game’s up too.

It probably took me longer than most to recognise change was needed as I’ve usually sported a pair of blinkers where Wazza’s failings are concerned. I’ve been content to overlook his leaden feet with increasingly redundant arguments about his effort and work rate – a will to win that was still good enough to craft us an FA Cup winning goal from nothing as recently as May, let’s not forget. The reality however, is that the bad has outweighed the good for months, if not years now.

The ongoing debate about his current/future position has always been skewed by the fact that many people can’t admit the most obvious detail – Wayne simply isn’t a top class midfielder. He just doesn’t possess the requisite touch and passing consistency. The notion that a striker can drop back and influence games from a deeper role as the years take their toll is a convenient one, but how many players have truly managed to achieve this? Charlton, Dalglish and Keegan perhaps… though none of these played in the current era with its unrelenting speed and intensity.

The desire is still there with Rooney, his effort and work rate haven’t diminished despite regular claims to the contrary. The problem is simply down to his declining physical state – he’s just not as quick as he was 10 years ago. The brain sees the pass/anticipates the incoming tackle, but the feet are no longer as quick to react. Sadly, it’s probably just a natural consequence of him doing this week in, week out for the last 14 years.

And for 12 of those years, Rooney has been wearing a United shirt – a key performer during the most successful era in the club’s history. 500 games, 250 goals… yet many will be delighted to see the back of him when he inevitably moves on at the end of the season. Not me. Nor am I joining in with those gleefully revelling in his current predicament and enjoying the opportunity to stick the boot in. Despite the fact his career at Old Trafford seems to be heading to a somewhat ignominious conclusion, he deserves far better than that.

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Witness The Fitness

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Major progress alert! Such was the level of despondency that surrounded United last season, international breaks began to feel like some respite from the gloom rather than a major inconvenience. So following a cracking start to the season that’s seen us quickly gain in confidence and momentum, along came the World Cup qualifiers to place things on hold for a fortnight.

Another measure of the Ready Brek glow being radiated right now is the fact that transfer deadline day passed without incident. We’re not in desperate need of anyone as things stand – for the first time in 5-6 years, it feels like we’re in good shape with no glaring holes in the squad. Okay, a new right winger would be nice, but until such a target exposes himself we’ll persevere with Timid Tony and his signature smashed cross. At least we’re no longer starved of creative options in other areas of the pitch.

It was the Hull game that set my already twitching giddyometer to near delusional levels. I was already basking in the glow of watching us actually try and win a game in the last 15 minutes, even before the injury time winner prompted scenes of wild abandon that saw me to leap off the couch like a startled gazelle and start doing laps of the living room in the manner of David Pleat at Maine Road. Cushions everywhere, absolute scenes. It’s good to be back.

I wouldn’t normally pay attention to Paul Merson’s thoughts on anything whatsoever but he looks to be spot on with his assessment of other new signing, Henrik Mkhitaryan. “He is different gravy”, opined Merse in a recent Sky Sports piece. Now I’m not really sure what he’s on about there but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt, because based on his 30 minute sub appearance at early pace setters/relegation threatened Hull, we look to have an absolute star on our hands.

In truth, before we signed the guy I’d never even heard of him due to a long-standing aversion to all things Bundesliga and an almost criminal lack of knowledge of the Armenian international football scene. That will change now, clearly. The way he picked the ball up in centre midfield and just… just ran straight at them… well it was almost shades of Cantona. Seriously, if this carries on it could be love. Get him in the team. Oh Micki you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind etc, etc.

Each of the summer signings has impressed thus far. Zlatan has been Zlatan: hungry for goals, an eye for the audacious, full of menace and withering looks when passes go astray. Pogba was immense against Southampton and is primed to be the midfield powerhouse we’ve been lacking for almost a decade. Eric Bailly looks fast and strong, despite being raw and still getting acquainted with the pace of the game in England. Taking Vidic as an example, even the best take a few months to settle – and if Bailly ultimately proves half the player that Vidic was, then we’ll be laughing of course.

The biggest buzz, however – combined with a still palpable sense of relief – remains the fact that we’ve now got Mourinho overseeing matters. Can you imagine the last 15 minutes of that Hull game if we’d had Van Gaal in charge? He’d have been sat bolt upright in the dugout studiously taking notes whilst Giggs peered out through the torrential rain, imploring the team to speed up the sideways passing. Meanwhile, rather than bringing on another striker in search of a winner, we’d have had Phil Jones warming up as a replacement full-back.

Instead, rather than settling for what would have been an acceptable draw in the circumstances, we witnessed a vastly different United approach to what’s been the norm for the last 3 seasons. There was tactical variation throughout the 2nd half and we continued to press until Hull finally cracked. Rather than passively accepting their dogged resistance, the team sensed that 3 points were there for the taking and continued to probe until they got their deserved reward. The ecstatic celebrations witnessed in the stands weren’t just for the goal, they were heralding the return of the do-or-die mentality that’s been the hallmark of all great United sides down the years.

There were no knee-slides from Mourinho, however. Whilst everyone else was ballooning around on the side of the pitch, he immediately signalled another substitution to the 4th official and ran straight to Chris Smalling to begin issuing instructions. This was only a minor detail but was demonstrative of his always tuned-in, almost maniacal desire to win. I’m aware that too big a deal was probably made of Van Gaal’s reluctance to raise himself off the bench, but having a manager prowling the touchline again just suits us better.

One of the main criticisms of Van Gaal’s tenure was that he assembled a team that lacked character and personality. With Mourinho in place, and the additions of Pogba and Ibrahimović, this now appears much less of a concern. It’s too early to predict great things and they’ll be numerous setbacks ahead as there always are in football, but we’re now playing with more of a swagger than a lurch. The team looks more imposing and has some presence about it, it just feels more like United again.

If there’s one result that could completely obliterate the sun-drenched, feelgood vibes of present, it would be a reverse in today’s Manchester derby. The Mourinho v Guardiola narrative has dominated the build up to this one, masking the fact that both managers would probably have preferred this fixture in a few weeks’ time. Still, not to worry, eh? Let’s go out and smash ’em, reds.

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In Through The Out Door

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Hello again. Been quite an eventful summer, really – and that’s before you even mention the football. Indeed, the Euros seemed to pass by as a bit of a non-event as the fallout of the Brexit vote took hold of the national consciousness. For the first time in decades, politics became the main talking point across the country for about 2 weeks, before the release of Pokémon GO gave people an excuse to chat about something else instead. Personally I’ve no issue with people crashing cars and walking off cliffs catching cartoon monsters on their smartphones, it’s certainly a more interesting spectator sport than watching England.

Since winning the FA Cup at the close of last season, United have undergone a bit of a transformation. I’m not referring to the new manager or recent signings either, I’m talking at boardroom level. Ever since the evening of Saturday 21st May, Ed Woodward has been doing a very good impersonation of someone doing their job competently. Van Gaal was quickly relieved of his duties, Mourinho appointed seamlessly and potential signings have been identified and completed within a matter of days. Compare this to the mess 3 years ago when one was left with the impression that Moyes wandered into the Old Trafford without having the foggiest who or what was needed to make improvements.

I’d hesitate to use the phrase ‘breath of fresh air’, but having Mourinho installed at long last does feel like a clean start. How long that feeling persists remains to be seen, as we’ve been here before when Van Gaal arrived and brought similar positive vibes into the job with him. Right now, however, I’m feeling quite content… he’s making all the right noises and it’s all been ultra professional and low key so far (as low key as someone so obviously box office can be, anyway.)

What’s proving very obvious even in these early days, is that appointing Mourinho has put United back at the very pinnacle of being able to attract players again. One senses that this summer we’re not hamstrung by the fact the manager isn’t an indecipherable lunatic, instead we’ve got more of a regular lunatic who despite being hard to please, might just turn out to know what he’s doing. Crucially, Mourinho needs this just as much as we need him at this juncture – his reputation was dented by the fallout at Chelsea and the United job offers him a shot at redemption on the biggest stage.

The other ego landing at Old Trafford this summer is Zlatan Ibrahimović, a man who previously rivalled José for the title of biggest bellend in world football, (obviously all that’s forgotten now they’re ‘our’ bellends.) Quite honestly, Christ knows how this one will work out. On the one hand, it’s got Falcao-style disaster written all over it. He’s too old, we’re not good enough to support an immobile, non-tracking striker and he’s capable of looking absolutely average with alarming regularity. On the other hand, if you can ignore all this and dare to dream for a moment, it could just prove to be a stroke of genius.

United have lost that once innate ability we had to brutalise absolute dross – the sad truth is the likes of Southampton, West Brom and Swansea no longer fear us. We desperately need to get that back if we’re going to be challenging for the title any time soon. In Zlatan, we might hopefully have signed the ultimate flat track bully – someone who will clean up against journeyman defenders and start making us hated again. If he can score 20 goals, wind people up, get sent off 2 or 3 times and transmit a bit of arrogance back to the dressing room (Eric Cantona arrogance, not the ‘I’ve got 5 Lamborghinis’ type) then he’ll have done alright.

Talking of the dressing room, has there ever been a more depressing spectacle than the team bus getting bricked outside Upton Park at the end of last season? I’m not talking about the Danny Dyer-alike bottle chuckers either, I was more appalled at the sight of 20 adult men on board, cuddling each other and taking selfies mid-bombardment. Now as much as I would have gained immeasurable pride if they’d jumped off the bus and steamed into them, I’m aware that probably wasn’t a very realistic proposition. But lads, seriously, you’re representing Manchester United here. Cower a bit, keep your heads down by all means, just try to refrain from shrieking and posting OMG! reaction videos on Instagram.

The other big dawg who looks like he’s set to rock up at OT imminently is Paul ‘Poggers’ Pogba, a mere snip at ONE HUNDRED MILLION POUNDS. I suppose this figure will produce a fair amount of seethe within the AMF community, but quite honestly, who cares any more? In simpler times, I can remember my mum being appalled that Bryan Robson was earning 3-4 grand a week. The amount of cash pouring into football now means that silly numbers like the Pogba fee no longer hold any meaning. We live in an age where Watford can reportedly turn down £30M bids for Troy Deeney and Palace and West Ham are bidding £25M for players. The game is now awash with so much money, the people in charge literally don’t know what to do with it.

In any case, given Pogba’s age, the fact he’s a Raiola player and his oft-mentioned desire to play for Madrid at some point, there’s a very reasonable chance United will be seeing most if not all of their money back in 2-3 years. One suspects he’s being sold this move on the premise that he’ll be off again after a couple of seasons and this is just another step towards that. That’s how Raiola operates and always has done. At least his machinations won’t come as a surprise to United this time out, considering they experienced them first hand in 2012 when Pogba upped sticks for Juventus in somewhat hazy circumstances.

Finally, a couple of wishes for the new season. Can we ensure that none of this Icelandic slow clappy nonsense infiltrates the ground, please? Let’s leave that to Crystal Palace, eh? Also, I’m praying that some mind-numbing variant of the Will Grigg’s on fire song hasn’t already been dreamt up – it’s already well past its sell-by date but it’s kind of inevitable that some bright spark will try and introduce it. You managed to resist vuvuzelas, so you can swerve this too. Don’t let me down, reds.