Author Archives: carlosartorial

State of the Nation

As well as saving me a considerable sum of money, the lack of Champions League football appears to have had the effect of making the season progress remarkably quickly. Perhaps it’s just my addled brain, but it only feels like 5 minutes since Van Gaal arrived, doesn’t it? However, a glance at the calendar and the annual onslaught of Slade and Jona Lewie over the airwaves provide confirmation that we’re already in mid-December.

Despite complaining of Champions League fatigue in previous years, when the group stages resembled a mind-numbing series of easy hurdles before inevitable progression to the knock-out stages, it’s (unsurprisingly) proven a big loss this season. For a start, trying to bed in new players and a new formation would have proven a less fraught process with our usual, congested fixture schedule. Instead we’ve endured lengthy gaps in-between games after getting turfed out of the League Cup early doors and ever present menace of international football.

Secondly, something that I hadn’t previously anticipated, I’ve missed routinely turning up at Old Trafford on cold, dark November nights. Indeed, Stoke the other week was the first home game of the season under floodlights. Despite it often feeling like a pain in the arse when I’m knackered after work and the weather is crap, there’s a familiarity to that midweek routine that’s been absent this season. I meet my mates for a couple of pints in town, we jump a cab to the ground, then pay minimal attention to the actual match and instead argue/abuse each other and generally put the world to rights for 90 minutes.

It’s doesn’t feel right watching City or Liverpool on telly when United should be playing, so I’ve studiously avoided every single minute of the Champions League this season. I was delighted to hear Ronaldo downed Liverpool and equally amused that City have struggled thus far, but I can’t bring myself to actually watch them. Having spent years telling City fans that European football was “none of their business”, it’s only fair that I impose a similar mandate on myself whilst United are marooned in the European football wilderness. I’ll start watching again when they’re both knocked out, which will hopefully be very soon.

Given the wholesale changes that were made in the summer and an appalling run of injuries since then, it’s no surprise that it’s taken a bit longer than anticipated to see a settled team that is beginning to look comfortable with Van Gaal’s oft-mentioned ‘philosophy’. I’d argue that the biggest difference over the last few weeks has been the return of Michael Carrick, that and finally experiencing a bit of good fortune in a season where we’ve been on the receiving end of some ridiculous decisions against us.

After a terrible August which extinguished any lingering pre-season optimism, since then our form hasn’t been all that bad if you can overlook Chris Smalling’s brainstorm and the resultant non-performance at Eastlands. There’s not been very much to get excited about, but players are slowly starting to look more comfortable with the new system and their roles within it. As I said, crucially, we’ve also had to contend with the worst injury record in the league and some awful refereeing. I hate resorting to moaning about refs, it’s the hallmark of a loser – but Martin Atkinson failing to spot a blatant penalty at Sunderland and then at Leicester, Mark Clattenburg choosing to disregard Varney’s foul on Rafael and then milliseconds later, giving a pen for minimal contact, were both absolute shockers.

The Arsenal game could potentially be seen as a turning point – the first big league game won in over a year as we were finally the recipients of some good fortune. An awful 1st half featuring three teenagers in defence, Shaw (this is getting ridiculous now) injured after a quarter of an hour and United being completely outplayed. Then we are gifted a flukey own goal, Rooney scores on the counter attack and all of a sudden, we’ve somehow come away with an unexpected victory.

Factor in a handful of unspectacular home wins and United, whisper it, appear to have discovered something resembling a run of form. I’m typing these words with extreme caution because after a similarly mixed bag of results at the start of last season, we recorded 4 successive league wins last December before everything went very pear-shaped against Spurs on New Year’s Day. Still, I can’t help myself studying the league table and thinking, “hmmmm, can we?” Chelsea have at last faltered, so a win at Southampton on Monday will put us in 3rd, 8 points behind them. Winning the league won’t happen, clearly… but I haven’t quite reached the stage where I can fully admit that to myself yet.

As long as we can stay within 10 points or so, I reckon I can maintain this level of delusion/optimism until at least March. Then as we lose a couple more games and Chelsea/City win the league, we’ll only have to endure a disappointing end to the season with nothing to play for, as opposed to a 6 month period watching them disappear into the distance now. There can’t be any repeat of last season where everything unravelled to the extent the team gave up and couldn’t be arsed in the end. Even if we don’t win it, let’s at least finish 3rd (which should be a minimum aim given the absolute state of the rest of the league), continue our much improved home form and get ourselves sorted in preparation for a proper title challenge next season.

In the meantime, if you’re stuck for gift ideas this Christmas, join me in wishing for a centre half so we can solve that particular problem before it becomes a running joke on a par with our 5 year wait for a decent midfielder. It took all of 3 weeks before Evans, Jones and Smalling were missing in action, so I’ve now abandoned hope that any of them will manage to play 5 games in succession without succumbing to to a broken leg or a bad case of impetigo. We desperately need someone, anyone in fact, capable of heading a football, tackling a bit and not being injured. The potential candidate’s ability to speak Spanish would be welcome but is not essential.

I don’t watch enough football to know who the player is, but there must be somebody out there. I never rated Gary Cahill when he was at Bolton, but someone like him would be perfect. He only cost Chelsea £7M but he’s barely missed a game in the last 3 years. A proper old fashioned stopper who wins headers, makes tackles, lumps it into touch and goes up for corners to score the odd goal. How hard can it be? Don’t talk to me about Mats Hummels. Dortmund are a spent force, he’ll cost an absolute fortune and he’s always injured. Find us the next Gary Cahill, Louis.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

www.rednews.co.uk

Tell It Like It Is

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Whilst the esteemed editor of this organ donned his #5 cap to mix it up with the D-list shitterati at Rio Ferdinand’s book launch (see last month’s issue), I was handed the task of reporting back from Roy Keane’s gig at LCCC where he was appearing ‘in conversation’ with ghostwriter Roddy Doyle and Jim White of The Telegraph to promote his latest opus, The Second Half (Orion Publishing, £20).

The last one of these things I attended was Fergie’s appearance at The Lowry a year ago where he was publicising his recently released autobiography. This promised to be a similar setup – a free signed copy of the book was on offer alongside the possibility of picking up some interesting tidbits that hadn’t previously been made public. Unfortunately that night at the Lowry didn’t really deviate from the carefully managed script, as Fergie didn’t let his guard drop once under a very gentle grilling from the BBC’s Dan Walker. An evening with Roy Keane, I was pleased to discover, proved to be far more interesting and enlightening.

Shortly after the publicised start time of 7pm, there he was. Looking as trim as he did in his playing days, with no discernible middle-aged paunch and remarkably fresh faced since the terrifying beard he’d been sporting in recent months had been removed. Jim White then did the introductions, throwing in the somewhat outlandish claim that Keane and Doyle were the authors of “not only the finest football book, but the finest book you’ll read this year.”

White then proceeded to ask the first question, “what was your motive for writing the book?”, which in truth was his last meaningful input all evening as Keane needed little encouragement to talk….and talk and talk. He’s passionate, forthright and a great storyteller – one was left with the impression that Roddy Doyle’s task of transcribing Keane’s thoughts into written form was fairly straightforward one, given the fact he’s such a relaxed and candid interviewee.

The reason the book was so newsworthy, of course, was that it presented Keane with the opportunity to give a full and frank account of the events leading up to his departure from United. As anticipated, he doesn’t shy away from giving his version of the facts. There were disagreements with Carlos Queiroz along the way, but things came to a head with the infamous, never aired MUTV interview and the subsequent ‘airing of the grievances’ meeting with the entire first team squad and coaching staff in attendance. Keane (sort of) accepts that he played a part in his own downfall, his main beef is that “stuff said afterwards irritated me” and his belief that Ferguson and David Gill “should have done better by me.”

If Keane is bitter about anything, it’s about the way he was portrayed as a single-minded, loose cannon who needed reining in. If he was so unprofessional and unapproachable, he argues, how could he have survived at a club like United for over 12 years? “Yes, there were personality clashes like in any workplace, but it was no big deal.” It’s hard not to have sympathy with his reasoning here. United/Ferguson, after all, were the beneficiaries of Keane’s insane-level drive and will-to-win for many years. Put it this way: I very much doubt he’d have seen his contract terminated if the post-Boro blow-up had happened a few years earlier when he was in his prime as a player, and not the battle scarred veteran he’d become by 2005.

In spite of the acrimonious ending to his United career, Keane spoke very fondly about his time at the club and still has a lot of respect for Ferguson, describing him as a “great manager”. He clearly has a lot of time for his former teammates, “top quality players”, sharing a dressing room ethos where “there was no messing about… we wanted to win the match and to train properly”. Understated, perhaps… but from the mouth of Roy Keane, this is high praise indeed.

Keane conceded that he made numerous mistakes during his time at the club, admitting when he first arrived in Manchester he was anything but the über-serious professional he was renowned as later in his career. He recalled a big fall out with Brian Kidd in the days between winning the league at Middlesborough and the ’96 Cup Final, partaking in a week-long bender which resulted in him reporting for training each morning still suffering the effects of the night before. Then, after being named MOTM on the Saturday, greeting a disbelieving Kiddo at the bar during the post match celebrations whilst getting stuck into the Bacardi.

There are regrets too, particularly some of the things he said in the heat of the moment. “Maybe this team needs to be broken up” post-Bayern in 2001 was, on reflection, a misguided attempt to elicit a response from the team following another disappointing defeat. The ‘prawn sandwich’ comment too, a dig against United fans that was manna from heaven for the ABU nation was merely him sounding off, “looking for an angle, to get a response off people… trying to get Old Trafford rocking.”

After an hour of listening to Keane, and a few minutes worth of Roddy Doyle who described his reasons for getting involved and the process of writing the book, the microphone was then passed to the floor as the audience were invited to ask questions. This led to another hour of recollections as Keane (now fully warmed up) answered everything thrown at him with complete candour and a total disregard for the fact there were a few hundred people present.

Some of his comments led to a couple of news stories later in the week after details reached journalists’ hands, but in truth nothing was said that was particularly inflammatory when taken in context. There were a slight digs at Bryan Robson and Paddy Crerand, as Keane made the point that club employees don’t make the most unbiased of pundits – he jokingly described the MUTV ex-players cabal as “like the Mafia or something.”

Another question led to a telling insight to how United approached games under Ferguson, or more to the point, how we didn’t approach them. “We wouldn’t be analysing teams too much. That was one of our strengths… we kept it unbelievably simple.” He only recalled Fergie getting senior players together for a pre-match meeting on a handful of occasions. Once, when the subject of dealing with the specific threat of Steve McManaman arose, Keane’s surprise and confusion about even being asked for his input was priceless, “umm… we’ll deal with him… he’s not Pele!”

All in all it was a great night. Keane was on top form and anything but the scowling, embittered figure he’s often portrayed as in the media. The book itself? Even if it’s not, as Jim White claims, the finest thing you’ll read this year, it’s still worth a couple of hours of your time ploughing through it. The motivation behind doing it, he explained, was simply “giving my opinion”, rather than “slagging everybody off” as has been claimed.

That’s essentially the crux of Roy Keane – it’s what made him a great leader on the pitch, and latterly, great value as a studio pundit. If someone asks him a question, he will answer it. Truthfully. Football is full of anodyne, media trained monkeys trotting out bland platitudes which you just know don’t truly reflect their private thoughts. Keane is different in that he actually says what he thinks. There’s no agenda there, everything he says is packed with truthiness. You don’t agree with him? That’s no problem, you’re entitled to your opinion too.

www.rednews.co.uk

Where Is The Love?

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With its constant interruptions to the domestic game, I’ve long considered international football a major irritation. Recently however, like the Ebola virus, it seems to have developed into a full-blown epidemic. UEFA, in their infinite wisdom, recently decided to increase the number of games required to book a place at Euro 2016. As soon as the season starts, it has to stop again so players can disappear for two weeks testing themselves against the might of San Marino and Estonia. Including the likes of Gibraltar presents lolz aplenty and the opportunity of a lifetime for the assorted firemen and customs officials who make up their playing staff, but it does little to enhance the quality or credibility of the competition they’re staging.

The growth of the Champions League and the financial muscle of the G14 elite has resulted in a situation where international football can no longer be considered the pinnacle of the world game. Appearing at a World Cup or Euros might be a great honour for individual players and the tournaments still present a marvellous spectacle for fans worldwide, but for actual quality of football the Champions League wins hands down. One assumes that UEFA aren’t unaware of this fact, so rather than see power slip further from their grasp into the hands of the clubs, they’ve attempted to cement their position as the game’s true power brokers by imposing an even greater hold over the fixture calendar.

Rather then scheduling an increased number of irrelevant matches, it’s a shame that UEFA didn’t consider a ‘less is more’ approach. To ensure the long term health of the Euros they’d have been better advised to cull a few under performers from the qualifying groups rather than adding more. By all means give the likes of Gibraltar or Liechtenstein a shot, let them earn a place via a preliminary knock-out or something. Do they really merit a place in the qualifiers proper when you’ve already got the likes of San Marino competing with a slightly less-than-stellar record of 1 win in 123 internationals? It’s an absolute farce.

UEFA’s justification for the increase in numbers is, unsurprisingly, down to money. They care little about the concept of overselling and damaging the prestige of the product, everything is geared towards filling up TV schedules with day-after-day of football and shifting additional advertising space to their network of sponsors. “The pie is growing and so far we have generated 40 percent more revenue than before”, explained UEFA general secretary Gianni Infantino. Well that’s just smashing isn’t it? Who cares about the influx of utterly meaningless fixtures clogging up an already crowded schedule since they can now cream an extra few million off the likes of Sony and Coca-Cola for the foreseeable future?

With that rant over, it’s on to another person fully aware of the riches that modern day football can bring, Wayne Rooney. It’s a bit of a strange time for old Wazza at present: 29 years old, freshly installed as captain of club and country and set to become record goalscorer for both – yet he appears to be losing support rather than gaining respect. It’s no longer just United fans tired of his errant control and contractual shenanigans who have lost patience, there’s now a growing clamour from the wider football public to see him dropped from the England team too.

With United, despite not being in agreement, I can at least see the point of view of those who insist he should have been overlooked for the captaincy and no longer considered an automatic first team choice. Rooney committed the cardinal sin of asking to leave the club (x2) and it’s true that in many games he seems to be in a terminal slump. Leaden footed, a shocking first touch, the over reliance on switching play by pinging the ball 40 yards out to the wing – his ability to lose possession whilst under little or no pressure defies belief at times. When he’s bad, he’s really bad.

But… and this is a big but… I’m still completely convinced that United remain a much stronger team with Rooney in it. Despite no longer possessing that electric burst of pace he had as a teenager, despite his penchant for giving the ball away – Rooney still makes a huge contribution to the cause. It’s what he still does now, it’s what he’s always done. You might wish him and Paul Stretford had got their move to Chelsea, you might think he’s a fat scouser who’s a disgrace to the shirt, you might simply detest everything about the bloke – but you can’t deny he’s not still a top player for Manchester United. He just is.

I read something the other week suggesting the captaincy was too much of a burden and he was now trying too hard, evidenced by him lambasting Tyler Blackett following one of goals at Leicester – apparently an effective leader shouldn’t be doing such a thing. What a load of nonsense. Rooney has been dealing out regular bollockings for the last 10 years. Last season, as results got worse and most senior players failed to show for the manager – Rooney remained on side. He was still talking, he was still cajoling, he was still contributing when others had made it pretty clear they no longer fancied it – that’s why he’s got the armband now.

Even when he isn’t playing particularly well, there’s still ample justification for Rooney keeping his place. Or, to put it another way, a Rooney bad game is worth more to the team than a Van Persie bad game. A growing consensus suggests he’s past it, but (and I’m sorry to have to resort to this) the stats don’t suggest that’s the case at all. Anyone bleating about Rooney would probably be quick to tell you that United or England would be better off served by somebody truly world class, say, for instance, Sergio Aguero. Well actually, (statto glasses on) it appears that since 2011, Aguero has played 93 games in the Premier League and scored 56 goals with 23 assists. Rooney’s record during that same period is 96 games, 59 goals and 32 assists – hardly the record of someone who’s no longer making a telling contribution.

Though gripes about Rooney’s form are nothing new at Old Trafford, quite why England supporters have decided to jump on board is something of a mystery – at least at United we have credible alternatives up front or in midfield. At international level, it appears to be more a case of Rooney bearing the brunt of fans’ frustrations with an ongoing lack of success; and the chronic dearth of players capable of challenging his nailed-on starter status. Is it really fair to blame Rooney for the current generation of England players being so incredibly average? Did Ronaldo get similar stick from the Portugese nation for earning astronomical money yet failing to carry their team beyond the World Cup group stages?

Given that England’s alternative is to call up the likes of Andy Carroll, Darren Bent or Rickie Lambert, I’m pretty sure Rooney will get plenty more chances to play and miss shedloads of chances before eventually surpassing Sir Bobby’s record of 49 international goals. The nation can then unite in belittling the achievement due to 90% of those strikes being against San Marino, before he then resumes scoring the goals that will make him the leading scorer in United’s history too – another milestone that’ll be greeted with seething resentment/complete indifference by many supporters.

Sometimes in the dead of night, when he wakes on a Luis Vuitton mattress stuffed with £50 notes, suffering with heartburn from eating too many burgers. Wayne probably takes a swig from his can of Fosters, scratches his head with nicotine stained fingers and thinks, “why do I bother?”