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Break From The Old Routine

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Another month gone, another predictable run of results. These may be uncertain times for United supporters, but our monthly cycle seems to have settled into a familiar pattern. There’s the deeply uninspiring pair of defeats, a dull home draw and then a semi-arousing, unlikely victory to take some solace from. LVG pontificates in his post-game interviews, Mata blogs about the importance of focusing on the next game and then the whole sorry sequence starts once more.

Getting knocked out of the Europa League wouldn’t have been too big a deal except for the fact it had to happen against Liverpool. A quick glance at the team sheet prior to the first leg was enough to suggest how things would pan out. Fellaini and Schneiderlin are not a midfield pairing in a million years, with the Belgian producing a performance that was absolutely pitiful even in comparison with his usual sub-par offerings. There’s not a single United fan I know who doesn’t simply grimace and shake their head at the mere mention of his name.

There’s not one redeeming feature about Fellaini’s game at all. Graceless, snidey, petulant, clumsy… for the most part he ambles round the pitch breaking up our play, instead of the opposition’s. How he managed to stay on the field for the full 90 minutes is beyond me, and Van Gaal’s enduring faith in the guy’s complete lack of ability speaks volumes for the sorry state of his team. Things aren’t ever going to get any better with him roaming round, clattering into people and then looking utterly bewildered when the referee blows for each blindingly obvious infringement. He’s simply an awful, awful footballer.

Anyway, that long-standing gripe aside, Liverpool turned up whereas United didn’t. Marcus Rashford found himself playing right back during the 1st half… which was never going to turn out very well. The goalie, once again, was exceptional and ensured we weren’t 3-0 down at HT; how many times has that happened this season now? Martial battled gamely up front but there was nobody else willing to commit… which they were unable to anyway given we were being so comprehensively outplayed in midfield. Meanwhile, you’ve got Herrera, Schweinsteiger and Carrick all sat on the bench. In short, it was a complete mess and we were lucky to get out of there with only a 2-0 deficit.

The 2nd leg at least tee’d up the potential of an all-time classic, and it briefly looked like it might be happening when we went 1-0 up. United battered Liverpool for 45 minutes and were unlucky to be only ahead by a single goal as HT approached… even the crowd woke up from its usual somnambulant stupor and there was something approaching a genuine atmosphere to savour. A hint of venom in the air, players flying forward, decent goon for the goal… this was how we used to live.

Unfortunately, Coutinho’s exceptional goal killed any giddiness stone dead and the tie was over with the last kick of the 1st half. What a great player that kid is, incidentally. City must be kicking themselves after being suckered into paying £50M for the overrated Sterling when they could probably have snaffled him for half the price. Anyway, instead of any further heroics, the players trudged off whilst the crowd went into silent contemplation mode. It was a very sobering HT break watching the scousers balloon about letting off flares whilst we stood cursing ourselves for being naive enough to believe it was actually possible for a few minutes. Still, it was a nice reminder of how things used to be.

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You know that it’s been a strange old year when a glance at the league table confirms that we’re 16 points behind Leicester City… whose closest challengers are serial bottlers, Spurs. They are more than likely going to win it with games to spare, which as an event in the football universe is about as likely as Fellaini edging out Messi and Ronaldo for the next Ballon d’Or. In these days of ‘big fours’ and plans for a revised, ‘closed shop’ Champions League, Leicester are a heartening reminder that football still has the ability to produce stories that contravene all common sense and perceived wisdom.

Ranieri’s team are being lauded as the nation’s sweethearts right now, and even a myopic old cynic like me finds it hard to wish them anything but the best. There was something on 5 live the other week inviting people to phone in and suggest sporting upsets that would rival them winning the title. Suggestions included Denmark or Greece winning the Euros, Wimbledon winning the FA Cup, some clown even proposed that Sheffield Eagles beating Wigan Warriors in the RL Challenge Cup bore comparison.

It doesn’t, of course – none of these events do. Cup successes of that ilk are simply based on a team stringing together 6-7 decent performances. Any underdog can win a one-off cup, whereas winning a title over the course of 9 months is a genuine test of nerve and endurance. Blackburn winning the league in ’95 doesn’t count, given they were buoyed by Jack Walker’s vast wealth. Leeds winning in ’92 is probably the closest in recent-ish memory, though they weren’t competing against the handful of billion pound behemoth clubs that inhabit the Premier League in 2016. 1992 was still a fairly level playing field in terms of competing teams’ cash and resources, nothing at all like the cabal that’s in place today.

So if Leicester do it, in team sports’ terms I reckon it’ll be just about the greatest upset ever – I can’t recall anything that eclipses it. I’ve never had any time for their frothing, little Inglunder support but if they end up winning it at OT next month, then I hope their team gets clapped off the pitch. They’ll have achieved something genuinely remarkable, putting like likes of Newcastle and Liverpool – teams who have squandered hundreds of millions over the years in pursuit of the title – to shame.

In 3 months time we’ll be sick of the sight and sound of them and they’ll be back to being a complete irrelevance, but in a season where watching United has felt like purgatory at times, Leicester have been a genuine breath of fresh air. Regardless of whether or not they implode on the final straight, the plaudits they’re currently receiving are richly deserved – they’ve been absolutely superb.

Copyright Red News – April 2016

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Bring The Pain

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“And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain…” Sheesh, I wish. It’s still only February though, so we’ve got another 12 weeks of this absolute horror show to witness. The latest debacle in the ever lengthening list of debacles is (checks Google for spelling) FC Midtjylland. Anyone else heard of this bunch? No, me neither. Anyway they battered us. Of course they did – I mean, why wouldn’t they?

A few months back I decided to purge my life of a Sky Sports/BT subscription and invest in one of those little Android streaming box gizmos instead. It’s a pretty nifty bit of kit to be fair, as long as you prepare yourself for the fact that it only works 80% of the time and accept that some games are like watching the action in a strobe-lit blizzard… c/w 30 second pauses and a US commentary team. Given the current state of United, this can actually work out quite well. You end up missing at least 15 minutes of the game by messing about looking for a working link, and the regular pauses in play are often indistinguishable from watching the game at normal speed.

Anyway, last night was one of those occasions where I struggled to find a reliable stream, but the bits of the game I did see almost defied belief. To put it in perspective, the opposition were in the middle of their winter break and hadn’t played for 2 months – and had enjoyed only 1 win in 10 games before that. The Danish league, with no disrespect intended, probably files somewhere alongside Scotland in the ranks of Europe’s finest. United meanwhile, are slap bang in the middle of a campaign playing in what’s alleged to be the most competitive league in the world. Regardless of form or injuries then, this was as close to a ‘David v Goliath’ fixture as you’re ever going to find in European football.

Even allowing for a deflected, breakaway goal or an inexplicable defensive lapse, you would still have expected the obvious differences in fitness and match sharpness to be the Danes’ undoing. Point being that even if the ‘inferior’ opposition managed to land a few early body blows, fatigue would eventually set in allowing the gulf in class to become apparent. After all, despite a lengthy injury list, United still managed to put out a starting team containing 8 internationals. It should have been more than enough to despatch a team of minnows beaten 9-1 on aggregate by Napoli a few months back.

If only. Instead, it was another of those occasions where United completely failed to assert any kind of dominance on proceedings. For a team that sets out to play a low-risk, possession football, it’s absolutely remarkable how bad we are at doing the simple things like passing 6 yards and controlling the ball. If we could hold onto it for more than 10 seconds, the determination to rack up 10,000 passes per game might start to make some sense – but we are consistently useless at doing the basics. All this, combined with the clear lack of desire, spirit, belief… everything you need to be even moderately successful… well, it just isn’t there anymore. Whatever we had, we’ve lost it completely.

The weirdest thing in all this, is that no matter how badly things continue to unravel, it’s looking increasingly likely that Van Gaal won’t be sacked before the end of the season. Now whilst I don’t think he’s in possession of photos of certain board members in compromising positions, that possibility can’t be ruled out either. Seriously though, for all the criticism Woodward and his cohorts have faced over the last few months, surely it’s now clear that this hasn’t worked out as envisaged? I know Ed’s formative football years were spent leading the youth firm of Chelmsford City during breaks from boarding school, but there’s also a semi-competent business mind lurking beneath those pinched features of his.

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So why hasn’t Van Gaal been binned yet? Is there a full-on civil war taking place in the OT corridors of power as has been alluded to elsewhere? It’s a juicy story, yes – but the idea doesn’t quite add up. Are a section of the board really so Machiavellian that they’d attempt to dissuade the Glazer’s from making overtures towards Mendes re: Mourinho? Either based on a personal grudge or some deranged attempt to preserve Fergie’s legacy and keep the Co92 axis in place. 3 years ago the Glazers may well have listened if he and Sir Bobby were indeed making such noises, but after 3 seasons of Mogadon-tasting decline, it’s clear that any attempts at continuity – appointing a proto-Fergie in the shape of Moyes or priming Giggs as a long-term successor under the ageing Van Gaal – have flopped spectacularly.

Although Fergie and Gill still have a voice, and no doubt the ear of the Glazers, it’s still Ed and Dickie Arnold who are running the show day to day. Truth is, I find it hard to believe that the next manager of United hasn’t already been lined up and all parties have simply taken a vow of silence for the time being – namely in some well-meaning attempt to spare Van Gaal the indignity of the sack before a cosy ‘mutual agreement’ is reached at the end of the season. For all Woodward’s mistakes, and there have been numerous, I’m still soft enough to assume he’s quietly been making calls over the last couple of months, and not simply sat on his hands expecting to see his faith in Van Gaal rewarded eventually.

Now hang on a minute, this is more like it. As I’m writing, there’s news emerging that Mourinho to United could actually be a done dealio. Moratti’s sister has just rolled out of some dinner with Jose and worded the Italian press that he’s on his way to OT next season. Now she could be wumming them, just as he could be wumming her – but the noises are getting louder from pretty much every source in existence barring the club itself.

If it did transpire we were turning Portuguese next season, then I’ve no idea whatsoever if the appointment would prove to be successful or not. Mourinho’s last two gigs have ended on a sour note for a manager who’d previously thrived on forming close alliances his senior players. He is difficult (paranoid, monstrous ego, arrogant, capable of being a complete bellend) in much the same way that Ferguson was difficult and Van Gaal is difficult. However, in evaluating the current state of United, it’s hard not to reach the conclusion that we’re in desperate need of something, more precisely someone, to extricate us from this mire we find ourselves in.

C’mon Ed, don’t let us down here. It’s time…

Copyright Red News – February 2016

www.rednews.co.uk

In The Bleak Midwinter

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“Nani and Anderson having good days, Cleverley buzzing around like the anti-Gibson, Young looking instantly comfortable on the OT stage and Rooney back to his imperious best…it’s hard not to sound giddy.” This, dear reader, was me getting a little bit carried away in this column back in September – caught up in that early season period where we fleetingly looked untouchable and the possibilities seemed endless. It was a brief foray into positive thinking and it won’t happen again. So tonight (Matthew), we’re going to party like it’s 2005. Dooooom is back.

Even during those carefree days of our autumnal bloom, things didn’t feel quite right. Although the midfield was stringing some delightful, intricate passing manoeuvres together (think Bolton away), at times (like Arsenal and Chelsea at home) it resembled an ever-widening chasm. It just seemed churlish to dwell too much on that back then, as new faces appeared to be bedding in nicely and the team took on an air of free-scoring invincibility.

I expressed certain reservations to a mate post-Chelsea that if we didn’t make some changes, big problems might lie on the horizon in the shape of Liverpool and City. As it turned out, another lukewarm Anfield showing gave no hint as to the horror of what would unfold a week later in the derby. I’ve still not seen the last three City goals, nor will I ever – sitting through several first-hand accounts from traumatised friends and relatives was bad enough.

No apologies for leaving at 3-1, either. I suffered every second of the 5-1 back in ’89, slumped in the rapidly emptying Platt Lane as City celebrated. It wasn’t pleasant and isn’t an experience I’m intent on ever repeating. Top tip: the bar in the Cornerhouse makes for an effective, non-football, post-match hiding place.

Doom-laden United fans have had a tough time of things since the unexpected return to title winning form in 2007. 4 league titles in five years and 3 European Cup finals was much more than papering over cracks, it was the most sustained period of success in the club’s history. It’s hard to make a case for imminent disaster when your team is hoovering up silverware and (depending on if you can make sense of the financial reports) seemingly making inroads into paying off the mountainous debt our lovely owners saddled us with.

Yes, us doom-mongers have been quietened to some extent in recent years. Ongoing gripes about the gaping hole in central midfield have provided some respite but Green & Gold campaign aside, continued success on the pitch has neutered widespread complaint about overall lack of investment. We just sound like spoilt bastards when we moan. Other clubs would kill to be in our position, surely?  Just look at the pretty, silver trophies and shush…

Failure to qualify for the latter stages of the Champions League, however, means that questions are going to be asked. A favourable draw should have secured an easy passage into the last 16. So is it complacency, arrogance or lack of personnel that’s led us into the footballing purgatory of the Europa League?

It’s probably a mixture of all three. Qualifying year on year has seen the group stages reduced to something team and fans alike have started to sleepwalk through. People trot out the cliché about CL nights at OT being ‘special’ and possessing some sort of unique atmosphere. What atmosphere? The second half of the Benfica fixture was played out in virtual silence. I met up with a mate in town prior to that game, a home and away red for many years – and he genuinely thought we were playing Crystal Palace in the League Cup that night. Amusing in itself, but indicative of the disregard many of us hold for the group stages these days. Once upon a time, any participation in the European Cup was something to be cherished – early finishes from work and a lengthy session pre-match were de rigueur.

Of course it’s not just in the stands where malaise has been evident. On-pitch performances have veered between slack and shambolic, particularly at home. I’m never slow to criticise Nani, the guy infuriates me and his decision making makes me despair – but the decision to leave him out of the Basel home game was a shocker, particularly with Rooney being out injured. Although erratic, at least he’ll try to make things happen – even if they don’t always come off. Where others are ponderous and instinctively look to consolidate, he’s CREATIVE. Basel arrived at OT and for 20 minutes looked absolutely terrified, an hour later they were playing us off the park. They should have been smashed out of sight.

When the question of us struggling was raised in the press conference following dropped points vs Benfica, Ferguson was incredulous and dismissed the notion out of hand. Although a perfectly valid point given our laboured performances, to him the suggestion was ridiculous, insulting even. He obviously has continued faith in our enduring ability to do just about enough to get over the line as we’ve managed to do time and time again…only this time we fell short.

It’s only taken a couple of injuries for the known problem area of the squad to be exposed once more. Cleverley has proved a huge loss, one far greater than should be the case for a player with only half a dozen appearances to his name. Carrick, Park and Fletcher continue to labour through most games, in turns low in confidence/form, ability and fitness. Pogba and Morrison are presumably not considered quite ready yet – so consequently Phil Jones now finds himself a first choice central midfielder.

Fergie’s position on the matter is maddening. I mean, we all love the guy for what he’s achieved here and congratulations on doing 25 years and getting a stand named after you and all that… but what the fuck? Are we seriously supposed to believe that he’s truly content with this midfield? Under previous regimes he’s always spent big when necessary – the (spit) ‘value’ line trotted out in recent times just doesn’t add up. We are Manchester United and have always had to pay above and beyond the perceived market rate, whether that be £2.3M on Gary Pallister or £31M on Rio Ferdinand – both astronomical fees at the time. There was no mention of value then, it was ‘we needed this player, this is what he cost’.

If Fergie/Gill played a straight bat (ha!), simply held their hands up and said ‘look, we can no longer afford the going rate for the player we really need anymore’ (you can guess who I’m alluding to – the one beginning with ‘S’, always injured, allegedly after a private jet…or someone like him) then we could deal with it and at least there’d be some acknowledgement of the elephant in the room. It’s absurd to try and put a figure on ‘value’ in modern football anyway – it recently cost £40 or so to watch the reserves play Palace. That doesn’t strike me as particularly good ‘value’ either but we’re still expected to pay it.

So there we have it. Vidic out for the season, City top of the league, midfield still fucked, we’re in the Europa League and Darron Gibson’s available for selection. Merry Christmas.

Copyright Red News – December 2011

Photography copyright Ian Bramham www.ianbramham.com

www.rednews.co.uk