Tag Archives: premier league

Serenity Now

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Champions again. 11 months later than hoped for, title No. 20 is in the bag and we can finally look forward to a little respite on the “Aguerooooooooo….” front. I’m reasonably confident MOTD will remove the clip from their opening titles next season and one assumes that Sky might cease playing it every 15 minutes. Persuading every single City fan I know to change their ringtone might prove a tad ambitious, however.

Despite talk of trebles and doubles ultimately proving just that, we’re left with a more than satisfactory single to savour – one that all of us would have settled for before a ball was kicked. Of course winning the league is always something to cherish, but winning it back from ‘them’ after ‘that’? This title feels more cathartic than celebratory.

After the final day drama last season, history will no doubt show this years title was won at a canter – but I remained somewhat twitchy up to the point we went 3-0 up v’s Villa. The bookies paying out early happens every year now, but the fact pretty much the whole of the football world (with the exception of Brian Kidd) declared the title race over and done with weeks ago only increased my sense of agitation. Talksport were dismissively telling listeners, “United have nothing to play for” prior to the West Ham game – pretty much the same line they were trotting out on the night we lost at Wigan 12 months previously. “Nothing to play for”? – we still needed another 7 points for fuck’s sake.

So despite being ‘inevitable’ and a ‘procession’ it never felt entirely comfortable. The thrills and spills of the opening half of the season were replaced by a return of the defensively solid, wildly unspectacular football that’s become our trademark over the last 3-4 years. Whilst there were some fantastic moments with late winners and goonage aplenty, it’s difficult to recall many games where the team performed for 90 minutes – the manner of the crucial 3 away victories at Liverpool, Chelsea and City being especially indicative.

Liverpool dominated us for the best part of the game and we only began to get a foot in the game once they’d had a man sent off; the trip to Stamford Bridge saw us storm into the lead then go to pieces before Clattenburg intervened and handed us back the initiative; RVP’s free kick at City, surely THE moment of the season – came off the back of a 20 minute spell where we’d barely had a kick and were hanging on desperately for a point. 3 pivotal games, 3 slightly fortuitous yet insanely satisfying wins. Our luck couldn’t last.

If those 3 fixtures were representative of United pre-Christmas, the 3 games biggest games during the 2nd half of the season resulted in 3 disappointing defeats. Madrid sent us out of Europe by winning at OT, a fairly abject performance saw us lose to Chelsea in the cup replay and City were well worth their victory in the recent derby. Our form aside from these games was solid enough but it’s fair to say, very rarely set the pulse racing. Winning is great of course and makes even the most uninspiring football palatable, but Manchester United should be about more than just winning.

Nevertheless, perhaps it’s slightly churlish to be airing these gripes now and instead we should instead focus on some good, old fashioned ballooning in light of what the management and squad have achieved – and it is a huge achievement. It won’t be celebrated with quite the same gusto that we’ve greeted previous trophies with, but that’s just an unfortunate consequence of us having gorged on success over the last 20 years.

My 40th is fast approaching and it occurred to me the other day that most of my first 2 decades were spent longing to see United win the league. That finally happened just prior to my 20th, so since then I’ve seen it happen another 12 times. 12 titles in 20 years – after it had taken us over 100 seasons of playing league football to amass the previous 8. If you’d informed me in the summer of 1992 that was going to occur, I’d have most likely called you a lying bastard before politely enquiring where you’d got your drugs from.

Whilst we can look forward to a relaxing few weeks receiving begrudging guards of honour and watching the tombola XL, the Berts are quietly licking their wounds and steadfastly maintaining an FA Cup will represent progress. After the awful noise which followed their title win last May, they’re pleasingly silent at present – no doubt gathering their breath for another sustained period of self-aggrandising bullshit should they overcome Wigan at Wembley. I received a solitary text from an alright one after the Villa game offering congratulations, this having been inundated with gloating messages at the close of last season. I didn’t bother sending any nonsense out myself, just having the knowledge that they’re hurting is enough.

Talking of pain, the serene ending to the season at OT is in marked contrast to the misery currently being experienced by supporters of Liverpool FC. If the manner of our title win feels ever so slightly anticlimactic, then do console yourself with the fact it’s gone down like a cup of cold sick on Merseyside. I’ve managed to go the whole season without mentioning Brendan Rodgers, mainly due to the fact I’m not sure where to begin – the man is truly a gift that keeps on giving. One expects he’ll be given another season before the scousers tire of his bluster, which is a relief because in the meantime he’s doing a fantastic job of promising an awful lot whilst in reality, delivering very little.

Rodgers, let’s not forget, wasn’t even first choice when he came in last summer. Roberto Martinez sussed the job was going to be a nightmare given the financial constraints in place following Dalglish’s extended shopping spree so sensibly gave them the swerve. It was clear FSG needed a good communicator after the PR disaster overseen by ‘Kenny’ and they got one. A master exponent of kind of flattering, syrupy rhetoric the scousers lap up, Rodgers is very good at talking so they took to him immediately. They called him ‘Brendan’ whereas everyone else pissed themselves laughing and called him ‘a dickhead’.

In fairness to Rodgers, he’s on a hiding to nothing ultimately – despite his brief surely not extending much beyond ‘manage expectations’. Although welcomed as ‘one of us’ after speaking in hushed tones about ‘class’, ‘dignity’ and ‘the Liverpool way’, it’ll be a surprise if he’s still there at the end of next season. It must be soul destroying for them at present: United champions, yet another slow realisation their owners aren’t going to pour millions in, manager a national laughing stock and their best player finally proving beyond all reasonable doubt he’s the biggest cunt in football. 23 years since they won the league now, roll on 2016…

Before I sign off, one last thing that’s been bugging me. Not content with insisting everyone should stand up for the Busby Babes every 10 minutes, I hear certain denizens of Stretford End Tier 2 spent part of the recent derby waving their JD Sports Adidas above their heads whilst bellowing ‘shoes off for the Busby Babes’. Here’s an idea for anyone involved – why not take it a step further and do something truly original? How about removing your shoes and beating yourselves unconscious with them instead?

Enjoy the summer and see you next season.

Copyright Red News – May 2013

www.rednews.co.uk

Speak Like A Child

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My son celebrated his 9th birthday recently, so has now reached the age I was when I became wholly consumed by football. In 1982, prior to starting watching United, I don’t recall having any interests at all other than perhaps, Star Wars. There were no older siblings in our house, so I had little idea about any of the things that would eventually become my main passions in life, and which I’d spend my teens and twenties in rigorous pursuit of – music, clothes, films, books, pop culture…that all came a while later. First there was football.

I was a proper little spod aged 9. Not particularly academic, or sporty or popular (this hasn’t changed much in the intervening 30 years, to be fair) – on reflection I was probably crying out for something (anything) to be interested in. The appeal for me? Everything about it. The sense of identity that comes from belonging to a cause, the culture, the history, the endless statistics…I sucked it all up like a sponge. Football came along at just the right time as before then, I don’t recall my brain having anything else to think about.

My son however, doesn’t appear to have such a void in his life. To me, he appears very well adjusted and content. Guitar lessons, computers, swimming, PS3, reading, Lego, a million DVDs and TV channels at his disposal…his brain is constantly occupied. Consequently then, like most kids these days, he doesn’t understand the concept of boredom – his life is just a succession of activities and entertainment. To him, I’ve realised, football is just another ‘thing’.

From time to time though, usually when the iPad is on charge and due to frustration at his sudden inability to commandeer the TV remote, he’ll settle down to watch the reds. The recent Spurs game was one such occasion, mainly due to the fact he seemed thrilled that the match was going ahead in blizzard conditions. For no reason other than I thought it might provide some amusement, I decided (without his knowledge) to note down his observations. Enjoy…

Pre Match: Wayne Rooney is out? At least we’ve got Van Persie…

Kick off: Alex Ferguson looks freezing.

4.02 This game could have got cancelled if it got too icy.

4.04 Van Persie is really good, isn’t he?

4.06 Is this game in Manchester? I wish it would snow here.

4.07 I don’t get why they have signs telling us non-important stuff.

4.08 (Jones loses possession) Oh now you’ve ruined it!

4.11 One of the worst things in football is they just kick it into the crowd. They should just pass it to someone nearby in loads of space.

4.13 What place is Tottenham?

4.14 City used to be really rubbish, didn’t they?

4.15 (Snow coming down) They are getting soaked!

4.18 I think Tottenham are actually doing kinda good. United aren’t doing good…they are just doing a slappy-fight.

4.19 I think United are cold.

4.20 (Spurs player clattered by Jones) He fell over on his own. That’s cheating!

4.21 (Carrick booked) You can’t give him a yellow card, that was an accident!

4.25 (Van Persie goal) Oh yeah, put your tongue out! COME ON!

4.26 So this is Tottenhans stadium, right? Where it says the score at the top, the one on the left means it’s their stadium.

4.27 I think United’s goalie is dehydrated. He should eat some snow.

4.28 Van Persie is snotty.

4.29 Evra just killed that Tottenham player.

4.30 (Evra down injured and slo-mo reply of goal shown) OH YEAH, stick your bloody tongue out!

4.31 (Lloris goal kick) Yes! Nice kick!

4.33 (Spurs free kick) Whaaaaaaaat?!

4.36 (Welbeck muscled off ball by Walker) You little lady!

4.38 Ferguson looks like he has warmed up now.

4.39 Tottenham are cheating. They fall over a lot.

4.40 (Scramble in penalty area) That was like pinball and the defenders were flippers. Crazy.

4.41 That was handball and he let him off. This referee isn’t fair. Let United have this ball!

4.42 (Evra booked) He did that roll himself. This isn’t fair. One more foul and that’s a red card.

4.43 Two Tottenham players were just having a cuddle!

4.45 (United corner) Come on, be a goal!

4.46 United are just too good for Tottenham. This will be 2-0, this game.

HT: That was quality that goal. You could see that defender jumping and he was like, WOOOOOAH! … Is this the 1st United game this year?… Where is Wayne Rooney? … What’s for tea? … Why are they playing Christmas songs?

2nd Half begins…

5.04 (Carrick concedes corner) Good defence there, mate.

5.05 Corners are sometimes terrifying.

5.07 (De Gea saves) That was nice, it hit his toe.

5.10 I don’t want Tottenham to score.

5.12 (Spurs fail in penalty appeal) Why are they cheering?

5.14 United aren’t doing well at all.

5.15 Come on United, you’re not bothering.

5.16 Look at Rooney, he looks bored…he’s having a chat with his girlfriend.

5.17 This is just not United’s day.

5.18 United are doing absolutely and utterly rubbish.

5.19 Did you see that? THEY ARE THROWING SNOWBALLS!

5.20 (Rooney comes on as sub) ROOONEH! Yes! Come on Roons!

5.22 (Lloris clears) That was rubbish! Right into the crowd.

5.24 (Spurs free kick) Please don’t score. Thank you.

5.27 I think Spurs are gonna score.

5.28 (Welbeck down injured) Haha! I think he’s been hit in the nuggets.

5.29 (Ref’s assistant on screen) I don’t get what the flag people do.

5.30 (Dawson nicks ball off Van Persie) Tsk! He came out of nowhere.

5.31 (Welbeck offside) He could have got that, so lazy!

5.34 (Last ditch Ferdinand challenge on Defoe) Thank you, Rio!

5.35 (Evra cross cut out before reaches Welbeck) United need more players when that happens.

5.44 It’s chucking it down. There is snow everywhere.

5.45 United really could win this! 1 more minute…well actually 4 minutes cos they add on 3 minutes.

5.46 Told you, 3 minutes!

5.47 Nice header…and another header. I would be surprised if someone did 5 headers in a row.

5.48 Tottenham are starting to go nuts…if Tottenham lose this, will they be out of the league?

5.49 (Spurs goal) You have GOT to be kidding. I can’t believe this!

Final whistle: OH BLOODY HELL! Can we turn over now, please?

Copyright Red News – February 2013

www.rednews.co.uk

Halfway To Paradise

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“It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid”, sang perma-leather trousered, 80’s pop heartthrob Paul Young in the opening line of Band Aid’s 1984 chart topper. A bold claim in a song that’ll forever evoke haunting images of starving, African children; and soothing words over a quarter of a century later for reds, bearing in mind Fergie’s predilection for festive squad rotation.

This year the fixture calendar looked to have been relatively kind to us. Swansea away, Newcastle and West Brom at home, followed by a short trip to Wigan on New Year’s Day. All pretty routine sounding, but then this season has been anything but routine thus far. Instead, marvellously, madness reigns supreme. Fergie seemed to signal as much pre-Swansea, despite holding a 6 point lead and with an (on paper) easy run of games, the goal was, we were told, to “make sure we are top of the league come New Year’s Day.” It sounded like he was almost anticipating dropped points.

The ‘4 games in 10 days’ barrage of football over Christmas presents a major hurdle in any title challenge, of course. The opportunity to get a shedful of points racked up before the league fixtures start to thin out a little and cup competitions come into play. Then tick the games off one by one, pray that rivals fuck up, try and keep everyone fit – before hopefully getting to the stage where you’ve got, say, an 8 point lead with 6 games to go. Ahem. Well, moving on swiftly…

Whereas the rest of Europe gets a few weeks off from the hassle and expense, football fans in this country are still required to schlepp up and down the country with transport links totally fucked, only to be greeted with a short-notice postponement if you’re really unlucky. At least we didn’t have snow and arctic winds to contend with this year, instead the weather threw up nothing more sinister than a 2 week-long monsoon.

Despite most of South Wales being under water, the pitch at the Liberty Stadium was still in decent nick and the game went ahead as scheduled. Swansea were played off the pitch in truth, with Cleverley and the outstanding Carrick running tings proper. Van Persie was unlucky not to score the winner and also, according to his manager, fortunate to escape with his life still intact. All in all, 2 points dropped but a decent enough performance…we’ll play much worse this season and win. Oh and congratulations must go to Swansea for winning the World Cup.

To nobody’s great surprise, the tombola was out on Boxing Day with Fergie aiming to ‘freshen things up’ for the visit of Newcastle. To everyone’s despair though, it meant Giggs and Scholes on the team sheet together. The fact the pair were to start in tandem was greeted by my group of mates with the now customary reaction this news brings – a chorus of sighs, tuts and ‘oh for fuck’s sake’s. All was forgiven a couple of hours later, naturally, as what we had witnessed was something of a minor classic.

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Despite all the whinges and whines we share about watching football these days, there is still no greater place on earth than Old Trafford on a shitty, rain sodden day when we’re a goal down with 20 minutes to go. The crowd wakes up, everyone’s on their feet, the collective desire gets transmitted to the players and you know, you just know what’s gonna happen. It’s fucking awesome. Even having experienced it countless times, it never gets old. An afternoon like that, coupled with news of City’s defeat at Sunderland, made for a very good day indeed.

The buzz of the Geordies game had barely subsided a couple of days later, when news came in of a stellar turn by Fergie at his morning presser. First swatting aside the bleatings of the unctuous Pardew, he then went on to quite splendidly dismiss Newcastle as a “wee club in the North East”. A line delivered with none of the histrionics witnessed on the touchline two days previous, this was Fergie at his calm, considered, yet wilfully inflammatory best – absolutely marvellous stuff.

The following Saturday’s defeat of West Brom proved to be much more routine with a rare clean sheet achieved and yet another Van Persie goal. Everyone knew he was a top player prior to his arrival, but I don’t think many of us appreciated just how good. Yeah, it was obvious he was a goalscorer – but his all-round touch, strength and ability to spot a player are attributes we’ve only come to realise watching the guy week-in, week-out. He’s top class, seeing him stick his arse out and hold off 3 defenders reminds me of Mark Hughes in his prime; but he’s arguably got a better touch than Sparky had and is certainly more consistent in front of goal – just pray he doesn’t get injured for any length of time.

The holiday fixture program was concluded with the New Year’s Day Wigan visit. The pub we frequent was relatively subdued before the game, the excesses of the previous night being felt with pints being nursed as opposed to drained. Respect is due, however, to one Red News seller who confidently ordered himself a double Amaretto livener before getting stuck into the Guinness. Numerous others only made the game at all due to the miraculous, restorative powers of Imodium and/or MDMA.

A trip to the DW has always offered a nailed-on 3 points – at least it did until last season’s visit that depressingly resulted in the start of the end of the world. This year, thankfully, saw no such repeat as United won at a stroll, Van Persie and Hernandez each bagging another brace with the pie fanatics barely registering a shot on target.

Despite a repeat of their snidey ticket scam of flogging 1000 of our tickets (with a meal chucked in at £125 a pop) via their own website, I cant help but like Wigan. There’s none of that ABU nonsense you used to get from Jack Walker, in fact where Dave Whelan is concerned it’s just the opposite. Considering the size of the place, it’s a small miracle they manage to command the respectable crowds they do, never mind survive in the Premier League year-on-year. They play good football, operate on a budget without over-stretching themselves and their excellent scouting set up consistently manages to unearth players who they can sell on for a tidy profit – I hope they defy the odds again and manage to stay up.

So with 10 points out of 12 achieved and a lead of 7 points, we look remarkably well placed at present. The season so far has been bonkers, quite frankly…we’ve looked utterly abject on occasion yet some of the football and the numerous comebacks witnessed render gripes about the state of the midfield and individuals players’ form quite redundant. Whilst not always pretty, there’s a definite spirit about the team that points to a shared determination to banish the pain experienced last May. Yep, the last few months have been a blast – here’s hoping it continues…

Copyright Red News – January 2013

www.rednews.co.uk